Congratulations to David Barber, good friend and traveller on the writing journey who was the winner of last week's Prediction with his tragic farewell, The Shape Of An Angel. Well done too to runners-up Aidan Fritz with the terrifying Halfbreeds and Ellie Garratt with her sci-fi apocalypse Gravity.
I have three new words for you. I hope they get under your skin:
- Irish
- Tide
- Coach
Rules:
Winner will be announced next Thursday or Friday. If you can, please tweet about your entry, using the #fridayflash hashtag, and blog if you feel like it.
There's a dance in my head - not sure if it's a jig or a tango...
___________________________________
Ooh I like these. An image blasted into my head as soon as I read them! Can't wait to sit down and have a go. I have so much to do today, such a busy week and I've a lot of catching up to do with the fabulous FFF as well.
ReplyDeleteI shall be back, my reward for a hard week is a Friday night February Femmes Fatale Feast! Plan was to curl up with laptop and wine - now I have a hankering for Guinness. I think it must have been a jig because I'm hearing now too.
Yes, these are under my skin already.
:0)
And well done David, Aidan and Ellie! Looking forward to more from you lot.
Lily, I'm honoured and humbled. Thank you! I just love writing, as you know, and the win is a bonus. Well done everyone for week after week coming up with great pieces of flash.
ReplyDeleteHere's my first. A bit lame, maybe, but it just instantly came to mind.
Lights Out
“Remember that Irish bloke my sister used to go out with, the one that knocked her about?”
“Yes,” I said, “What about him?”
“He’s over there,” Peter said, nodding.
I turned and caught sight of a thick set bloke stood at the end of the bar.
“So, it was years ago,” I said.
“He deserves being taught a lesson,” Peter said, downing his pint.
#
That night was fourteen months ago, yet it seems a lifetime ago. Days in prison are long.
A tide of violence washed over me outside the Coach and Horses that night. Peter never touched him.
~End~
wow, if that's an instant one, David ... love it!
ReplyDeleteClever twist.
I want to share something I just read in a submission to my Dark Deeds In History anthology (Static Movement)- I could think of no better people to share it with knocked me out!
Bonaparte’s face turns the color of murder.
Thank you for selecting Gravity as a runner-up, Lily. Taking part and reading all the other amazing entries is like a well needed shot of inspiration!
ReplyDeleteWaiting for the Fall
We were not supposed to die this way, the Irish coach passengers and I; our last breaths screamed through shattered glass and violent waters. Death had called too soon and drowned us into oblivion.
I see you standing there; keeping your lonely vigil like the ebb and flow of the tide, and each day I pound my soul upon your cliff, thrashing and twisting ever closer. Next year, perhaps, I’ll have weathered enough of your rock of shame and you will fall into my icy grasp. I’ll say, ‘Welcome home drunk driver.’
The End
Letting Go
ReplyDeleteWe shared a bottle of Irish whiskey as we watched the tide. The bottle was mostly drunk; neither of us were.
I'd given him so much advice over the years that he referred to me as his "life coach". The irony mocked me now.
"Are you sure about this?" I asked.
His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, looking out at the ocean instead of at me. "Yes. I won't slowly waste away."
He downed the rest of the bottle, kissed me hard, never once meeting my searching gaze, then walked into the sea.
He never looked back.
Meandered along to this site via goodness knows what path, and thought I'd give these prompts a go. So here 'tis:
ReplyDeleteHe had coached her, not wisely, except in his own self-interest, but too well, and when her third “I’m late” was said too late, and the grey of his eyes changed as speedily as the Irish weather, from promise to perdition, she knew to jump. Into the outgoing, grey-green, full moon, Spring solstice tide.
Sorry - I tell a lie - it was Susan May James' 'Scribble and Scatter' which pointed me in this direction - thanks Susan!
ReplyDeleteSandra, good to meet you. Lovely descriptive writing!
ReplyDeleteEllie, another fine offering!
Mimi, chilling last line!
Best go get mine written ...
Congrats, David!
ReplyDeleteWow, alreayd some beauties...Ellie, Waiting for the Fall is outstanding!
I'm hoping to carve out time for this one this week, Lily!
OK, here goes ... and don't even begin to ask where this one came from ...
ReplyDeleteAlien Invasion
‘He wos tide to the coche wat floted out to see an he dide.’
Why does this small person respond so badly to the instruction he has received? Why does the other silently call him an ‘Irish – ‘ do not know the word.
‘Why couldn’t he break free?’
‘He wos tide tite.’
‘Why?’
‘Don’ no, just wos.’
This is passing strange; do not know what is going on. What manner of being is this?
‘Tri agin – wiv blud?’
‘Where …’
The words flow with blood where they do not with ‘ink.’
There is much to learn on this planet.
David, Lights Out demonstrates the clever mind of a manipulative thug; Peter's as bad as his victim. Really liked this.
ReplyDeleteDorothy - excellent line - I can understand why you wanted to share it!
Ellie, Waiting For The Fall is nothing short of stunning. Beautifully written this tragic tale moves with the sea, the words flowing as poetry against the cliff. Wonderful.
Oh Mimi, such sadness. My skin is all-a-shiver. You've presented a clear and emotional picture that says so much in so few words. Really touching.
Sandra - welcome! I think we've crossed paths on Six Sentences. Yours is a well-crafted, spiralling tale which swells between the lovers only to end in loss. Although she jumps I wondered if she was a mermaid, returning to the sea. Particularly love the words "from promise to perdition".
Ellie - That was great. Drink driving and poetic prose really work! Maybe government warnings should be done in the same way. Well done.
ReplyDeleteMimi - Sad, yet heroic from the guys point of view. Nice write.
Sandra - Wow! So much said in two sentences and 54 words. Fantastic!
Antonia, Lily and David (yes, known from 6S also) - thank you - good to be here.
ReplyDeleteSomewhat belatedly, I have titled the above 'Bastard' and had in mind a sadly deluded lass, not a mermaid ...
David - great tale. Who wouldn't do whatever they could for one's sister? Physical and emotional punch here!
ReplyDeleteEllie - I like that the bastard has an icy welcome waiting for him. Such a powerful take on this.
Mimi- This is such a strong piece in so few words. You nail the relationship, and its very sad conclusion, perfectly.
Sandra - but wait! He ain't worth it! Say it ain't so!! This was a wrenching read.
Antonia - I know they're aliens, but the dialect almost makes the one character sound cockney - which gives this a whole different flavour. I liked the dialogue, and the chill of violence misunderstood
Moonless Night Sonata in D
ReplyDeleteThe moon was gone, and the tide had packed up and followed suit.
A small cart cantered along the coach road, lanterns swaying like drunken fireflies. The driver sang something in a lilting Irish brogue, and the sweet sound swelled against the impenetrable night.
At the crossroads, the cart stopped.
"Straight'r right Mathilda?" crooned the driver, "Who'll have us next?" The horse said nothing.
Neither noticed a slender shape breaking free of the shadows, and climbing onto the cart behind.
"You've a lovely voice," said Diana in the dark, her dagger at his throat, "Listen closely, and you'll keep it."
David – Well written little piece that serves to remind us that ‘Justice’ is not always something we can (or should) take into our own hands!
ReplyDeleteEllie – I loved the poetic way you put these word and images together, very emotive.
mimi – what a little gem! A poignant tale that shows the agony and cost of true friendship (if I’ve read this right, this was along the lines of assisted suicide?)
Sandra – love the imagery! And welcome to the fascination that dwells here at the weekly prediction – you will quickly find that our Lil’ has ensnared you and become addicted!
Antonia – loved this alien ‘encounter’!
Chris – a menacing tale – esp. loved that last line!
I shall see if I manage to create something with Lily's chosen words - but am feeling very much 'bear of little brain' today! Well done you guys though!
Right, third time lucky trying to get this to post!!! (sorry for cluttering up your comments section, Lily)
ReplyDeleteI hope you think it was waiting for - here you go:
DELAYED IN TRANSIT
Stumbling through coach class was a nightmare. With evidence and body parts strewn around, as if a whirling dervish had been first on the scene rather than my team of air accident inspectors, it was clear that this would be no picnic. The main fuselage of the Aer Lingus jet was largely intact even if its occupants weren’t, but there was part of a wing section floating on the incoming tide. I looked down at the severed head at my feet and notice her staring back up at me, not with fear but surprise, and her Irish eyes were smiling.
Wed
ReplyDeleteShe arrived on the tide,
his Irish bride,
with her too-bright hair
and her soft green eyes
alight with love.
Her gloved hand paused on the door
of his coach and four, as she skipped
the creaky step as though she knew
it made the sound of dead things.
I’ll wager he never told her
how that came to be,
the things he’d done to me
not so long ago
when I was pretty.
She will learn, tonight,
of his unnatural appetite
for terrible tangles
of flesh and fear.
His desire satisfied,
she will fly from him.
Straight to me.
Antonia - bizarre! Really intrigued by "The words flow with blood where they do not with ‘ink.’"
ReplyDeleteYay, Chris - Diana's back! This is a wonderful scenario that was just waiting for her to jump on the back of. Atmospheric, pacey and brilliant.
Sue, I was freaked immediately by Delayed in Transit. I don't mind flying but you'll have me shaking next time I leave these shores! Excellent finalé.
Melenka, you deftly twist from light-hearted love to a mysterious, then dangerous tease. That the narrator reveals the groom's strange predilections then steals his booty is just genius - I love this!
Slowburn
ReplyDeleteHer stomach churned like an acidic tide, washed against her insides. Her ribs shrank in the deluge of adrenaline, squeezed her.
A sulphurous hue freckled her skin. She leaned over the rail, waited for the bilious torrent, yet it stayed in her stomach, coaching the swell into a thick sickness.
Ocean froth hissed in her ear. She heard the excited Irish horde behind her.
She peered up; saw Liberty’s golden flame poking through the mist.
Amber tinted fear pooled in her eyes. Her father’s semen remained warm between her legs, but his blood was cold on her fingers.
Cold.
David – I like the sense of misplaced justice...but I still think ‘Yay!’ for him doing one over the guy for knocking his sister about. I like the way you’ve tapped into how we are as human beings. Writing is, after all, finding answers about human nature.
ReplyDeleteEllie – I like the ethereal narrator of this, the sadness and the subtle hint of anger. Lovely piece.
Mimi – A sad tale; I sensed something clinical about it, the inevitability and acceptance of death. Nicely written.
Sandra – Enticingly descriptive and such gravitas in the way you’ve woven your words. Well done.
Antonia – The whole atmosphere of the piece invokes a strangeness that really is alien.
Chris – ‘Drunken fireflies’. What a lovely descriptive nuance. Glad to see Diana is back!
Sue – Delicious, dark and creepy. Loved it.
Malenka – I love poems like this (not a fan of garden variety rhyming stuff). This is freedom of words and poetic description. Not unlike Lily’s poems.
David - Love the twist at the end! That little bit of darkness is so ordinary it's chilling.
ReplyDeleteEllie - Such pain and anger. I could feel the waves crashing against the rock and calling for revenge.
Mimi - I had a friend who went out on his own terms, so this struck home. I liked the dignity of it. Danny would have approved.
Sandra - I love the lyrical flow of your piece, descriptive enough to feel I was right there.
Antonia - That was veering for cute and then you spun it around to be horrific. Well done.
Chris - I so want more of that story. Right now. Please?
Sue - My husband does airport work, so this was particularly disturbing. I love the methodical voice.
AJ - A gutwrenching story indeed. So few words to paint such a deep trauma. That's going to stick with me.
Hi all,
ReplyDelete(Congrats, Dave.) Excellent stories above. Feel like a virgin on a first date, but I'm long overdue here, so please be gentle with me (gulps)... here goes.
MOODY BASTARD
With ferocious speed the freak wave crashed against the coach, tossing the school kids around like rag dolls inside, their haunting screams muffled by the hiss of the torrent as the coach skidded on its side along the promenade where no brass band played.
The Irish Sea was angry today. Or was God being a moody bastard again?
Blackpool Tower loomed erect, stubbornly unmoved, as if defiantly bellowing, “He’s been trying to break me for years…”
Thank God, er… well… the kids survived… but at least He got the fat old driver, the lightning strike frazzling him like over-grilled bacon.
Regards,
Col
Chris - Loved your entry, and this part freaked me out, "Neither noticed a slender shape breaking free of the shadows, and climbing onto the cart behind." What a fantastic line at the end too!
ReplyDeleteSue - Delayed in Transit is superb! I just watched a documentary on a KLM flight a few decades ago, and this captured much of that.
AJ - Slowburn is haunting! Excellent language.
The best things are served cold.
Melenka - beautiful prose, especially this part, "as she skipped
the creaky step as though she knew
it made the sound of dead things." - I can't think of anything scarier than the sound of dead things. Nice.
Col - "frazzling him like over-grilled bacon" - whoa! what a visual - excellent. More like cruel bastard ; )
Okay, here's mine:
The San Francisco Slayer
The coach’s head lay crooked, twisted by bestial intent.
“Go over it again,” said Detective Briggs.
“The Irish girl, over there,” Officer Jones motioned with a tilt of his head, “said she found the body at high tide, but there’s no sand in any of the lesions.”
And there were several too, all shredded up. “Is she a suspect?”
“You tell me.”
Perplexed, he strolled over to her. She smiled at him, like opiate allure.
“Need to ask you a few questions.”
“Of course, detective.”
The smell of pelt hit him…and blood—is that what was crusted beneath her nails?
* * *
Seems I forgot a couple,
ReplyDeleteDavid - always love your voice, and the twists you pen in the end! That fine last line seals that piece perfectly.
Sue - I must say I almost felt like jumping too! I enjoyed the depth you put into this little piece - each word perfection and nothing left out that shouldn't be, not easily done. Excellent work.
MiMi - the only thing harder than letting go is watching someone else do it! Great penning.
Antonia - Alien Invasion is wild and inventive, and I must agree, the words do flow more with blood than ink! I love it when writers stretch their horizon and do something different. Great job!
Ally, aw shit this caught me out completely. That penultimate sentence drained the blood from my face, from my soul even. I had to read it again. I found Slowburn totally disturbing; an extraordinary piece of writing.
ReplyDeleteWelcome Mr Col Bury - Thrillers Killers 'n' Chillers co-editor, for those who don't know - however unlikely that is! Really enjoyed Moody Bastard. A very different slant. I particularly liked "...the hiss of the torrent as the coach skidded on its side along the promenade where no brass band played."
Erin, wow. There is a massive story here! I feel as though I am glimpsing this through the Irish girl's eyes, and they are truly smiling; so dark, so dark. "...opiate allure" is absolutely beautiful, as is the writing.
Just a quick reminder that the Prediction challenge closes at 9pm UK time on Wednesday this week (23rd) not Thursday.
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a deliberate ploy to throw you into turmoil, simply that I have a date with a group of local writers that evening in my home town - at a pub. (Shrugs shoulders).
Here's mine for this week. Sorry it's late.
ReplyDeleteA Lonely Soldier He
Joseph waited, his uniform tattered and torn. The bare bones of the Sussex coach house creaked around him, its skeletal structure listing in the weight of coastal winds. Beneath Joe’s feet the earthen floor trembled to the drumbeat of crashing waves, the cliff below hewn away over centuries, the building’s foundations lost.
And there it was – Emily’s voice, calling his name. He replied, as always; begged her to stay, soothed her with his mother’s Irish lullabies, pleaded... But the night tide claimed her still, as it had with every sunset since Napoleon’s cannon stole Emily and their baby away.
David - I loved the twist at the end, with the brother being as bad as the victim. But the victim deserved it. Very clever!
ReplyDeletemimimanderly - a sad tale, packed full of emotion. It was so well written, the reader would never question their relationship and what had been decided. Stunning.
Sandra - your words flowed easily like the tide. Beautiful description.
Antonia - I loved your alien encounter and your use of the dialogue to tell it. A clever spin!
Chris - can we have more? Please! This piece of flash fiction cries out to be made into something longer. Brillaint.
Sue H - dark and creepy, and I didn't see that end coming. Genius last line.
Malenka - a story in a poem, full of descriptive prose. I really enjoyed it.
AJ - I won't forget this tale in a hurry. Revenge is best served cold, and you painted it with the ice-cold waters of perfection.
Col - 'lightning strike frazzling him like over-grilled bacon' - what a line. Dazzling, like the lights!
Erin - another piece that tells so much more than the words used, and crying out to be made into something longer. Loved it.
Lily - deliciously dark and spooky. Gave me goosebumps!
where was I ... apart from being frazzled this morning, that is!
ReplyDeleteI'm way out here - so ...
AJ, brilliant imagery, again
Col, nice one!
Erin, definitely a longer story there, please ...
Malenka, one to savour
Lily, another one that lingers in the mind
Sue, love your writing
Chris, make that one longer, too. It can be done!
Everyone, thank you for the good words. For some reason I 'saw' that piece as written, as a sort of picture. I had to write it that way.
Nursery Crimes.
ReplyDeleteShe wasted our Irish daytrip in some stupid haunted house. The coach left for the inn. I licked my dry lips.
She bored me with stories of hauntings and murder until darkness fell like a shadow across my grave. Then a child rolled her pram past me. I looked in, a porcelain doll with my face. I escaped to the beach. Voices followed me, taunting.
‘Kill her.’ They instructed, like a cold mantra. I saw the coach across the water, low tide, the causeway gone. Trapped, I walked back grinning. Tomorrow I’d drink. But tonight I had work to do.
Just had time to read a few, will read the rest later. Wouldn't have bothered if I'd read first. Mind you that's why I never do. Write, post then read. Only way to do it without thinking sod it.
ReplyDeleteDavid- I’ve been somewhere very similar to that, though of course I didn’t act upon the whispers and nudging that tried to burrow into my mind. You’ve captured the sense of the situation perfectly.
Ellie- That was a very chilling morality tale. Something to make you shiver and think.
Mimi- I love the way you used it as life coach. Very poignant and touching. A brave act and a strong witness are captured here so well.
Sandra- Very dark and brooding with a stinging end. Very sharp. Loved, ‘…from promise to perdition,’ Great line.
Dorothy- I loved the way you subverted the words. I’m keeping that technique in mind for the future when I find I’m stuck. Strange little tale and reminiscent of some of the harsher Twilight Zone episodes.
Chris- Wow great one. Sinister with an evocative writing style. Great story flow, sense of place and almost living characters. ‘…lanterns swaying like drunken fireflies.’ I want that line. I loved the metaphor of the Diana baiting her quarry under her own hunters moon.
Okay couldn't wait to read the rest.
ReplyDeleteSue- That was a tale of the real possibility of horror in our world yet I found myself laughing. Yes I have a sick sense of humour, but it was the quick and devilish way you ended the story. I was in that aircraft with your protagonist and saw the head clearly. Great visual story and cheeky ending. Shivers and smiles.
Melenka- Oh such dark poetry that takes us on a journey and leaves us on the doorstep knowing what is to come. Great use of the voice of the dead wife to draw us in and leave us holding our breath.
AJ- I’d say a beautifully painted picture but that wouldn't be right. Descriptively it was astonishing but the content was bitterly juxtaposed to make us ride the waves from calm to sickness. It is a difficult subject and one that regrettably is true. You took us on a torturous voyage that ended with the girl embarking upon her own journey carrying a flame of liberty in front of her and purging the horrors of her past onto the oceans behind her. Outstanding.
Col- God I can’t count how many times I’ve been a passenger thrown around by that lashing wind coming from the Irish Sea. So perfectly illustrated I was almost holding on to my laptop with white knuckles. I love the fact you made the driver smell of over grilled bacon, the very aroma that reminds me of lost weekends in Blackpool B&Bs.
Erin- Love the title, ‘The San Francisco Slayer’, definitely one to expand this story. ‘She smiled at him, like opiate allure.’ That line drew me straight into what we should expect of this girl and this story. Great tale and characters I’d like to hear more from.
Lily- That story is so relevant even for events happening today. How many new ghosts will be heard due to lives lost in wars across the world? It weighed heavy on my heart this one, due partly to the relevance of the subject and partly because the loss of life never means the loss of love. And that is the real ghosts we have to live with.
Tony, what a prize title 'Nursery Crimes'! This is a fascinating, dark narration with a wicked twist. I love the idea of a porcelain doll with his face - extraordinary imagery. I really enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteCol - I'm with Lily on the genius of the line where no brass band played. I love the sea/god comparison and that it had so much personality, however homicidal.
ReplyDeleteErin - I want to keep reading that story. I like that she just stood there, ready to answer questions as if there was no chance she'd get caught.
Lily - Such a poignant piece. I could see it as a painting, with him standing there, waiting for her, or perhaps waiting to fall.
Anthony - The shift from boredom to glee at the work to be done was truly creepy. Also, dolls are freaky, so that was a great touch. The whole thing felt surreal and yet pressing.
Flu & the amazing disappearing voice almost swallowed my prediction, but I found it today.
ReplyDeleteCrosscountry 2038
Hate powers my runs. My foot twists on the wave track. I grit my teeth as Coach Propst bobs in his boat sipping Irish coffee. The splash splash splash of my footsteps push me faster. Somewhere lurks the Cthulhu-beasts. My tendons pop, muscles burn, and breath scalds. Memories of Jebbie haunt me. His footsteps faltering, a tentacled-mouth latching onto his shoulder. But, fear doesn't power me.
I flail for hate: the laws forfeitting minors' rights, the craven bitch -- my mother -- coercing me to run cross-country, Probst's virtual practice runs. They can't do this forever. Someday, tides will change.
an intense piece of writing, Aidan, so much emotion in so few words. Great!
ReplyDeleteTony, dolls can be frightening, you made this one exceptionally frightening. The limitation of words hasn't made it difficult for you to cram in a lot of nastiness!
David: Lights Out, interesting I get the feeling he took the rap for Peter (I think it is his emotionally detached view).
ReplyDeleteEllie: I love the way you mix the accident with the metaphor of tides and breaking down the rocks.
Mimi: this evokes sadness well; liked the opening clever bit about drunk.
Sandra: I thought she'd jump into the sea, but love the twist to solstice tide.
Antonia: love words flow with blood, not with ink. This has a nice alien-outlook to it.
Chris: Diana returns, nice. I love the image of the cart cantering with the lights swaying like drunken fireflies.
SueH: I'm impressed with those who come to rescue when flights crash. You capture the gruesomeness & hopelessness with a tinge of sadness.
Melenka: nicely crafted poem and you create a great story underneath.
AJ: fabulous; this covers so much with the coming to America feel to it but also the abuse she received and the murder. Nice and complex.
Col: interesting world; I'm intrigued to know more what the driver did to offend the moody gods.
Erin: love the line "opiate allure", I want to see more of this story.
Lily: liked the mythic feel of her reliving that last day over and over. The cannonball took three with the emptiness it left for the soldier.
Anthony: I like the rhythm here and the image of her face on the porcelain doll.
Made it ...
ReplyDeleteHoly water
A coach waited in the shadows cast by the full moon. The hand resting on the sill wore a ruby ring.
It was a spring tide, the boat was beached high on the shoreline. A shady gang splashed ashore, each carried a barrel of the finest Irish whiskey. None dare look towards the coach, but the man at the back who risked a glance. The hand beckoned him. When he reached the door a blade flashed in the moonlight and the man sank to his knees clutching his throat.
With the barrel loaded, the coach drove back towards the abbey.
Well done Kim - Holy Water was worth the wait. I love a good smuggling tale - plenty around the Sussex coast near me. You've got great description and atmosphere going on here with excellent pace.
ReplyDeleteOutstanding final line.
No more entries please.
ReplyDeleteAs announced, the Prediction challenge is closing a day early this week. I'll be judging it during tomorrow, and will schedule the results for around 10pm tomorrow night GMT.
Thanks everyone - marvellous writing as always.
Sue H - wonderful use of the words. Such great imagery, and a chilling ending.
ReplyDeleteMelenka - I read this and thought of "Bluebeard", but you added a terrifying layer of the unknown horror to come. Loved it.
AJ - Jay-sus. Slowburn was just that, and it went darker by the line. The end was a kick in the teeth. You have such a captivating style - keep it up!
Col - "the coach skidded on its side along the promenade where no brass band played" - great wordplay. Loved this man vs nature tale.
Erin - "the smell of pelt" - that is a sense-overload description right there - and perfect for the story. Loved where this was going.
Lily - loved this, and the historical angle was just icing on the cake
Anthony - this was truly sinister. The doll with the killer's face is just creepy. (And thanks to you and everyone for the comments on the "drunken firefly" line - it's my favorite of the bunch too.)
Aidan - liked the blending of the mythos of Hunger Games with a good dose of Cthulu for seasoning. Great take.
Scratchypen - I was there in the dark with these guys. You really captured the cold reality of a life of crime.