Before I reveal today's words I just want to applaud last week's entries. Joleen gave us a snappy, mania-ridden 'announcement'. Sue H's 17th Parallel chilled my bones. Michael Solender disturbed us, as usual. Chris Allinotte had me laughing in revenge for something I hadn't done. David Barber hurt my head, in a good way. Pixie J. King had me in tears. And my own entry - well, I had to research Korean political history and sadly, it taught me a lot. Excellent entries. Thank you.
This weeks are:
- New Orleans
- Swallow
- Phlebitis
And in the unlikely event that you haven't read On The Road, I recommend the version On The Road by Jack Kerouac The Original Scroll introduced by my talented old friend, Howard Cunnell.
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Lily, I was going to re-write the last line but this is written as it came out. No editing at all and bang on 100. If it's shit I don't care...LOL!!! BTW, I have no title....
ReplyDelete"Mr Jones, you need a holiday," they'd told me. "Your phlebitis has gone but if you keep pushing yourself too hard you're going to get yourself stressed again and while your immune system is at a low, the symptoms could return."
Throwing caution to the wind, I headed over to New Orleans for their annual Mardi Gras. It was spectacular: almost as spectacular as the fountain of blood erupting from my throat.
Left for dead by a dumpster in a deserted alley, trying not to swallow my own blood for a measly hundred dollars, stress had looked the better option.
David - that's hardly shit! I had to read it twice to understand that Jones had been mugged - but I liked that. I wanted to read it again.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece, with the cynical edge of Barber humour that I always look forward to.
David - tops as always. Loved that last line. At least the guy still has his sense of humour!
ReplyDeleteHere's my go:
Rinotte
Rinotte was the most hideous thing of a man Bill had ever seen. Wedged into a booth in the dark corner of the restaurant, Rinotte was shoveling fish stew into his mouth, pausing only to scratch absently at the phlebitis-swollen veins on his arm, and to suck at his beer.
Bill studied the two massive guards. He would have to be perfect.
"You want the girl, bon amie?" asked Rinotte, with a fish-caked smile. His voice was as toad-like as the rest of him.
"Oui." said Bill, flicking the safety off the pistol in his pocket. "The girl. And revenge."
I had you in tears Lily? Woops...My bad..
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I might use this as a little Saturday thing for when I'm around my Nan's to take my mind off how bad she is getting...
Thanks Lily. Maybe I should have a little more confidence in my writing.
ReplyDeleteChris, although I liked the piece there are two glaring "oopsy-daisies". Swallow and New Orleans. :-) Unless I'm missing something? Hey, a great 100 words though.
David, you should be confident; you've definitely got a unique voice going on.
ReplyDeleteChris - what a gruesomely sensory piece! Superb. I could visualise grotesque Rinotte, hear him sucking and scratching, smell the fish and the man's personal odour. I confess David is right that you implied rather than used New Orleans and Swallow but I'll let you off because I forgot to specify that in this week's rules. Besides, I loved it! :)
Pixie, I look forward to what you come up with and hope your Nan is as comfortable as she can be.
OH MAN. I had 125 words, and, when I started cutting, cut the prompts!! Try this slightly modified version...
ReplyDeleteRinotte
Rinotte was the most hideous looking thing in New Orleans. The man was wedged into a booth in the dark corner of the restaurant, and was shoveling pungent fish stew into his mouth, pausing only to scratch absently at the phlebitis-swollen veins on his arm, and take obscene swallows of beer.
Bill studied Rinotte's two massive guards. He would have to be perfect.
"You want the girl, bon amie?" asked Rinotte, with a fish-caked smile. His voice was as toad-like as the rest of him.
"Oui." said Bill, cocking the pistol in his pocket. "The girl. And revenge."
Well done, mate. Like them both so obviously you now have to do a complete re-write because fate says..... "things come in three". Get to it then. :-)
ReplyDeleteRinotte was a disgusting, phlebitic criminal who lived in New Orleans, and swallowed his food whole; Bill was there to add lead to his diet, and save Savannah in the process.
ReplyDelete:P
It's the incredible shrinking Rinotte!
ReplyDeleteChris - I was meaning that there is certainly svope for that to be extended, but that'll do. LOL!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry this is late - it's been a bit of a week. So, here goes. No title for me either.
ReplyDeleteIt was all I could do not to swallow as they poured New Orleans’ finest Absinthe into my mouth. Ginger laughed. The pinks of his albino eyes prismed in the flickering light of swamp torches. He bent across my face and licked the almost-fluorescent green liquid from my chin.
“Pretty, mmmnn.”
“That’s enough,” I said. “I’m ready. Give it to me.”
Ginger’s nostrils flared, his swagger less sure.
The money was on the table. The alcohol blazed on my tongue. It was now or never. Grasping at Ginger’s phlebitis-ridden thigh I sucked the suppurations dry.
And spat.
Wow - great description Lily ... and more than a little unsettling. Better now than never indeed!
ReplyDelete