And as many of you might have noticed, Blogger is behaving like a spoilt bitch at the moment. I've been trying to comment on your mind-blowing entries all weekend and have been repeatedly thrown out or 'put on hold.' Just as I reached Reba's (RR Kovar) post this evening Blogger put up the barriers. I couldn't 'Reply'; I could add no more Comments.
I couldn't hold on any longer - HAD to announce the winner and post the new words, so my apologies to Reba, Michael, Tony, Phil, Kim, John, Nathaniel, MuckieDuckie, David and Asuqi - I have read all your entries, but it looks like commenting is rightly f*cked.
Winner of Last Week's Prediction Challenge
... and Guest Judge of the New One!
You are all astounding storytellers. Your imaginations have really run riot and I don't believe The Feardom has ever seen such a frenzy of fiction and poetry. Thank you, one and all for giving me such pleasure (I won't deny the self-indulgence.)
My winner - and the Predictioneer to judge your entries over the next TWO weeks (more later) is John Xero with the terrifyingly visual Testimony. John, I just loved how you threw us straight into the horror - and then, good God - made it worse! I actually gagged at the penultimate line then drifted into oblivion with the dreamy quality of the last.
Congratulations!! If you'd like to contact me I'll email you back about the judging side of things.
Every entry could be a runner-up but this week I'm choosing Rosie Smith-Nazilli's disturbing tale of familial massacre, Slaughter. A shocking and superbly-written glimpse into a dreadful state of war. Well done Rosie!
Words for 22 January 2012
Finally. Due to my mucking everyone about this week. my commitments and my health I'm extending the entry period for this challenge until Thursday 2nd February.
So with no more ado here are the new words:
- Follow
- Ballet
- Organ
Rules
The rules are: 100 words max flash fiction or poetry using all of the words above. Please add your entries in the Comments box below. You have until 9pm UK time on Thursday 2nd February 2012 to enter.
The winner will be announced by our Guest Judge John Xero on Friday 3rd February. If you can, please tweet about your entry, using the #fridayflash hashtag, and blog if you feel like it.
Good luck John! We're all behind you.
___________________________________
Congratulations to John Xero on the win. I have to say, I don't particularly envy you on having to judge. No surprise for me that Rosie got the runner-up. Slaughter was one of many stories that dug its claws in my brain and wouldn't let go.
ReplyDeleteLily I get yourself well. You've been missed, but your health is more important. In a funny way, I'm glad the commenting was giving you issues. I've been lurking waiting for comments on my entry, and I swear Blogger was messing with my head. The comment numbers would go up, but I wouldn't always find the new comments.
Good luck everyone.
Lily, no worries! Sometimes I can´t get in at all "You have no right to access this page..." WTF! and "This page is running a blahblahblah that will basically kill your computer..." Meh. Boring.
ReplyDeleteAnyhow, good to "see" you all! Big congrats to John and Rosie! And some homemade chicken soup for you, Lily =)
Thank you, Lily! ^_^
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations, Rosie. =)
It's an honour, yet a daunting one, to have the opportunity to judge this wildly talented lot. And what a set of words... can you hear the music? Can you feel it stirring inside your minds?
I've often said I don't envy you this task, Lily, I guess that was bound to come back and bite me some day... ;)
Get well soon. xx
Congratulations John and Rosie. Though good luck is also offered to John for the task ahead. What a great week this was, looking forward the next one.
ReplyDeleteNot to worry, Lily! I had a week of intermittent illness, as well.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to John and also Rosie. Well done, both!
Providing (American) football does not cause me a heart attack, I'll be back with an entry.
Second Date
ReplyDelete"Follow me"
"Where to?"
"The ballet." Ellie smiled. That bruised lip I gave her was healing up - she was some broad.
"It's different," she said, reading my face. "You'll like it."
Back home, we called strip-joints "the ballet" - but she couldn't mean that?
Down a stinking back alley, Ellie stopped before a large metal door. I thought I could hear a pipe organ - hardly pirouette music.
"We're here."
Inside, I saw lights and a tiny stage. I froze. Broken, rotting things were shambling around up there, moaning.
I spun to leave, and saw Ellie... holding a sledgehammer.
Ooh, Chris - this is a wondrous place! I would pay to see a performance on that wicked stage (as long as I didn't get my head smashed in). Love it to bits.
DeleteNasty stuff. Full of questionable morality, brutality and ick. Are the shambling things other people she has been mistreated by, or is there some zombie funkiness going on here too? Nice.
DeleteI think I've been to nightclubs like that.Or maybe it was just a nightmare from a Snakebite hangover. Sinister work, Chris. Nicely done.
DeleteChris - Loved the image of the "rotting things". Very enjoyable and a good advert against domestic abuse!
DeleteChris I loved it. I imagined Ellie to be the roper for a dance troupe de Macabre, chained in their broken misery.
DeleteGrim, and multi-layered - always difficult to achieve in so few words and still maintain coherence. =)
DeleteCongratulations, John and Rosalind... beautiful, dark little slices.... yummy! ;-)
ReplyDeleteOoh... John.... I do not envy you judging... everyone always has such amazing, delicious little bits of darkness and horror... good luck, dear John! :)
Lily, sweetie... my heart goes out to you... I hope you are the mend soon... will be thinking good thoughts of you.
Chris A - Second Date is dark and horrific... I LOVE it! Oooh... this one gets right to me! Seems a bit extreme though... getting back at the poor sod just over a bruised lip... OH! You don't mean...?
Very nicely done!
This week's words do look yummy... perhaps I can find a few words to add. I am taking care of Nana, who lives in this big old, creaky Victorian... might get some inspiration here!
Best to everybody!
Getting there, slowly. Thanks.
DeleteDo contribute - we'd love it!
x
Thanks so much and many congrats to John, I knew that story was special... Hope you have time booked off work for your judging.. and coffee via drip...xx
ReplyDeleteGood morning,
ReplyDeleteMiss Lily please take care of yourself. Thank you for all the work you do on Feardom. Here is hoping that the coming week is healthy, happy and full of shivers.
Marietta Miles
Just time to say well done to John Xero and Rosalind, excellent stories. Now I'm off to work on this cold wet Tuesday morning :-(
DeleteThe true story behind the Pied Piper tale.
ReplyDeleteHe came, light of foot, like a ballet dancer, enticing, demanding, entrancing.
‘Follow me! Come, let us adventure forth together! There are treasures to gain and glory to behold! The Holy Land awaits your strength, your commitment, your hearts!’
And the children went by the thousand. They trekked across endless lands, hurting, starving, crying, dying, captured, enslaved.
Back in Hamelin and a hundred other small towns, the parents mourned their missing brave crusading children while the organ tolled its misery for their departure.
And the Crusaders and others knew not of their sacrifice.
There certainly was a dark truth behind the Hamelin tale which you have depicted with strength here. Tragic and gritty stuff.
Deletethank you. I was overwhelmed when I read the real story, unbelievable tragedy which so few know of in the big wide world of adults who accept the folk tales as just that, without knowing what lies behind them.
DeleteWell now you have my attention, Antonia. I am one of those adults. I will go off and do some reading. Thanks for lifting the veil a little bit.
DeleteMmm.. yes I think this is going to require some further reading. Enjoyable is not the word I'm looking for, enlightening would be more appropriate. Thanks.
DeleteAs always Antonia you intrigue inspire and enlighten. I too am going to look into the story behind the tale.
DeleteAmazing take on the tale Antonia. If it isn't fact - you've certainly sold it as such - and opened up such a possibility for a longer piece with this.
DeleteAntonia, definitely more to the tale of Hamelin than I thought, but what truly transpired..? This may be as close to the truth as anything.
DeleteAntonia, there is so much power and epic energy to this terrifying vision. Your Pied Piper's enticements are so beguiling - but what a reward. Wonderful writing.
ReplyDeletethanks, Lily, not at all what I was going to write, but then I saw the Pied Piper going 'follow me' so I did and that is what transpired.
Delete“Put your thumb under the hammer,” he says to me, “Come. Follow.”
ReplyDeleteI lower my thumb and squint in the low light.
“Don’t worry. Keep an eye on me,” he whispers to me.
I lower the pistol and remember the training. I blow out hard and close an eye. It’s like a dance as I see him move forward into darkness of the room; a ballet, a graceful sequence to complement an end result. He pirouettes on one foot and I see the flashes and the organs of blood splash behind him in artistic simplicity.
Craig, there's a lot going on here and I would like to know more. You've encapsulated an entire story in your 100 words.
DeleteWhat's in the room? Did everything go to plan, or was there a bit of friendly fire at the end? There's more going on here. Will we find out next week?
DeleteAn enigmatic showdown. It left me wanting more.
DeleteCan only echo what others have said. Very intriguing, left me wanting to know more.
DeleteVery Filmic in the delivery I can imagine his remains perfectly decorating a giant canvas and this being the Artists coda, and the films finale [Pan the scene and Fade to credits].
DeleteI think you have a strong scene to build back from and I'd be intrigued to hear the bigger story.
Wow. Just ... wow. I can only echo the others - I want/need to know more!
DeleteCraig, I, too, find myself intrigued. Reminds me a little of Equilibrium. I can't help but wonder if there was some friendly fire at the end there as well.
DeleteTiptoe
ReplyDeleteLightning flashes! The organ plays...
Witness the scalpel caressing fat flesh, slowly popping it open to reveal the porcelain. Mimi hums a little Tchaikovsky as she practices. The bones will have to be re-broken and fused periodically to strengthen the feet (she smiles slyly) but high endeavours demand their price. What could be higher than art?
She pauses, cherishing those pretty toes, marbled with blood.
She'll follow in my footsteps. First ballet, then medical school... - her mind pirouettes onwards whilst her fingers complete their work.
Afterwards, her baby awakens. See Mimi dancing, dancing to that rhapsody of tears.
Dion, atmospheric piece, loved it.
DeleteGruesome imagery. Very nicely done.
DeleteDark and disturbing and a great line "Witness the scalpel caressing fat flesh". Loved it.
DeleteDion as Nick said dark and disturbing, sometimes I read something that has cold icy fingers that probe some of my darker fears. This was one of those moments.
DeleteI don't know what's more frightening - the gore, or the plans that "mommy" has for her daughter's life. Chilling stuff.
DeleteAh, Dion, that... (I want to say 'cuts to the bone'). It works well as both a metaphor and a very real, very visceral horror. Wonderful last line.
DeleteI think there might be horror story in reply, daughter to mother, in revenge, years later...
Congrats John and Rosie, fantastic writes and even better reads.
ReplyDeleteMorgan’s dance for Alice (Echoes of Bethlam)
Follow me; stick close, my soon fallen rose.
I will teach you the steps and take you to point on swollen toes.
Sense me breathing through your skin, the organ to your soul.
Your mind is weak and lost let me fill that hole.
There are scenes of chaos through which we can cavort, you provide the body and I’ll provide the thoughts.
The life you never had is yours here to display, you just need to turn up and let the others play.
Your life’s been a ballet of misfortune and lost chance, but you just came to dance.
William, somehow this couldn't be anything but a poem. Beautiful dark stuff.
DeleteSome fine imagery here William. I particularly liked the notion of cavorting through chaos and the 'ballet of misfortune.'
DeleteYes, a dark poetry. Sense me breathing through your skin...That's a spine shiver for sure. A pleasure to read.
DeleteI'm not a huge lover of poetry but I really enjoyed this. I could imagine those words being turned into a very sad song, with haunting piano's and a deep, slow bass line.
DeleteLoved the dark, beautiful images of control mingled with hope, and the sense that the one he loves will never really hear these truths.
DeleteWilliam, there is something really sinister about this, with an edge of empathy and sorrow.
Delete'you provide the body and I'll provide the thoughts' seems to sum it up, capped off with a wonderfully woeful final line.
A Rage Of Pink
ReplyDeleteI doomed myself to an ignominious purgatory that ill-fated night at my contemporary ballet class. I have no doubt that it was sabotage. A Pas de Deux with that flatulent psychopath, Fifi le slosh was folly.
I specifically said no lifts; my crumbling discs couldn’t withstand the strain. Like a whale in a pink tutu with malice aforethought, she ignored me.
I feared for my internal organs when she crashed down on top of me. The female members of my class were unsympathetic. They helped Fifi up, she left, and they followed. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
oh I like it ... a lot!
DeleteI wish I'd never seen Fantasia. I can see a hippo where there is no hippo here. 'Flatulent psychopath' had me sniggering and it gets funnier as it goes along. Bravo.
DeleteEnjoyed this a lot. Spiteful ballerina's and flatulent ones at that - all make for good reading.
DeleteI enjoyed this piece, I'd love to hear the back story to this of what did he do to cause such malice.
DeleteBad discs and flatulent psychopaths. Loved it. There's dark undertones here, but I still caught myself grinning. Nice one.
DeleteHa ha! nice one, S.K. =) The ballad of the post-prima ballerina. Definitely captures his disdain, and theirs... ;)
DeleteHer Tarantella
ReplyDelete“I shall have it,” Krieve whispers.
Lola lays on her front, shackled and bound. Four-inch nails stud her feet, elbows and wrists to the table. She cannot move. She cannot breathe. Her extended tongue bleeds from staples that hold it down.
“Watch.”
From Krieve’s sleeve, spider follows spider. They creep towards Lola’s open mouth, dancing a silken ballet of their own. She bucks and spasms as Krieve sharpens his scalpel... waiting.
Lola slips into paralysis from the tiny, punishing bites.
In Krieve’s gloved hands, the organ steams; his money earned.
Like the others, Lola can go to the dogs.
Lily, this is creepy and nasty and I will be thinking about it abed tonight...
DeleteGratuitous and vile - in the best way! I can't imagine why horror fans are avoided by 'normal' people....
DeleteProperly shuddersome stuff :-D
Wow, Lily. Quickfire nightmare on nightmare,Like Freddy Kruger with a Gatling gun. Impressive.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI'm not a big fan of spiders (or organ thieves for that matter) so this definitely sent a wee shiver down my spine. A horrible vision, well told.
DeleteP.s. last comment was deleted due to cat-related incident. Namely he jump on my laptop, which I presume means my laptop now belongs to him. The greedy little bastard! Its ridiculous, I mean, how the hell would he know how to surf the net anyway... oh god maybe he watches kitty porn while I'm out....
P.p.s. Hope you're feeling better.
Lily I think Krieve is going to be around for a while, a nicely nasty character.
Delete"Tarantella" indeed. You've taken an already sinister black-market urban legend and amped it up into a deeply wicked, utterly stylish place. Great work.
DeleteBleh... Lily... *shudders*
DeleteThat imperative, "watch", is that to the reader or the victim..? Both, I think. I felt as chained and helpless as the spiders went to work. Dark and brilliant, should we expect anything less? ;)
Thirst
ReplyDeleteI followed her to the ballet flitting expertly from shadow to shadow. The drafty corridors of the theatre echoed as I stalked my prey. She turned bemused with a startled expression on one occasion but I managed to elude her gaze.
My heart pounded as I closed in on her in a dressing room. An old organ lurked in the corner. As I plunged the knife deep into her chest the gasp sent a thrill of pleasure through me. Her hot crimson blood stained the keys of the ancient organ. I drank from the wound thirstily.
you've crammed a lot of horror into one short piece here ... the stalker, the killer, the vampire ... brilliant!
DeleteAh, the thrill of the chase. Nothing quite beats putting the reader in the mind of a killer for getting that paradoxical blend of excitement and revulsion. Strong piece.
DeleteYou pull the reader in right from the start and we happily stalk along with the killer. Great last line, gave the killer an extra dimension.
DeleteBrilliantly dark, leaving me feeling complicit in his act
DeleteOrgan ... heart... I see what you did there. (And I like it a lot.)
DeleteAh, slash and grab. Sign of the times. Dark work. Well done.
DeleteDaz, a psychopath with a taste for the theatre? Or is this more personal? I feel some back story lurking nearby... ;)
DeleteCHRIS - Now that's a ballet I would never wish to visit. Awesome writing.
ReplyDeleteANTONIA - How beautifully written. I see those children.
CRAIG - Your versatility as a writer never ceases to amaze me. Excellent.
DION - So imaginitive. That poor baby.
WILLIAM - I read that three times before I realised it was beautifully constructed poetry.
S K ADAMS - What an image that conjurs up. Crushed to death almost.
LILY - Horrid as ever. You never fail to make me cringe and in this instance shudder.
DARREN - Stalker and a half there. Nice one.
Be back with my own shortly..xx
The Last Sounds of a Fading Organ and a Twinkling Ballerina
ReplyDeleteI plan to rip out her organs after the ballet. I sit on the right side, where she spends most of her time.
"Thanks for coming," she says.
She's not scared. I want her scared when I pull her kidneys out.
"You dance nice."
She smiles.
I rub the knife.
"Come to the after party."
I nod politely but tell her I'm busy. She frowns. We part.
When she leaves the party all sloppy drunk I follow her and pull her back into the theater.
"Dance for me."
She does. It's beautiful. We smile. Then shed our organs together.
Nathaniel. Almost a fantasy style of writing which still wraps itself around the mind. So many images here, great writing.
DeleteA real calculating killer. I love that he/she refuses the party, waiting for the drink to do it's job. Gruesome stuff with the kidneys. Did I read this right - is the killer also a suicide?
DeleteNice story, great last line - enjoyed a lot.
DeleteNathaniel you really got me with the last line, I didn't see that coming.
DeleteLoved the ending here, and the luscious lead-up as he stalks his companion in death.
DeleteWet work always leaves me queasy. "She smiles. I rub the knife." I like it.
DeleteNathaniel, great sense of such an off-kilter mind. Goo final paragraph, too. =)
DeleteJust to add my congratulations to John and Rosie for last week. It's all good stuff here, isn't it?!
ReplyDeleteI'll comment on each new story individually.
By the way - are any of you going to the SFX Weekender next week? If so, Phil Ambler & I will be there. We'd love to chat.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteCongrats to John and Rosie for some stellar writing last week. Had started a different piece but it wasn't working so here is my entry this week. Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteRevolution
Your senses truly heighten in the final moments of life.
From my exaulted position I am acutely aware of everything around me; from the great cosmic ballet to minute grubs burrowing in the dirt.
The sound of Beethoven floats to my ears from the organ grinder whilst my eyes follow pickpockets working the crowd. The metallic scent of guillotine oil fills my nostrils mingled with coppery blood ingrained in the wood.
I taste anticipation amongst the plébiscité as the blade falls; a deathly breath caressing my neck.
Sharpened steel exquisitly slices my hair eventually kissing my skin.
Au revoir
Nice one Phil - very interesting POV - I actually thought he was monologuing from the basket after his head had got chopped!
DeletePhil, I brilliant piece, loved the descriptives. I have a fascination with the french revolution since I went to the conciergerie aged 12.
DeleteLove the atmosphere here, and the fact that you managed to evince the carnival atmosphere of a public execution.
DeleteI like the idea that he is desperately absorbing every last image in his final moments.Disturbing.
Deletefirst line to last line, superb.
DeleteAgree with SK, that utter intake of information in the last few desperate seconds strikes true and terrifying. Has an enquiring fellow taken down this aristo's last impressions with pen and ink for scientific research?
DeleteWonderful stuff, Phil. =)
DeleteLoved "a deathly breath caressing my neck." With heightened senses and time seeming slowed would you feel that displaced air as a thrilling breath, a final gasp? It's great to imagine so (and only imagine... wouldn't want to test the theory... ;) )
Chris Like revenge pieces but love the fact it brings in the supernatural to dish out some punishment.
ReplyDeleteAntonia A grim version of the Pied Piper tale. So many innocents killed for what??? Tragic.
Craig Who was in the room and why did they get shot? Want to know so much more!
Dion Self mutilation and an obsessive desire to live her later life through her daughter. Scary.
William Lots of atmosphere and power in this piece.
SK I liked your piece. Had a cheekiness about it and some great descriptions.
Lily Such a great piece Lily. Lots of evocative images and a lovely pace to it.
Groovy Stalked and slashed to slake a thirst. Horror at its rawest.
Nathaniel That last line lifts the piece up a level. Murder/suicide and is she complicit at the end?
Brutally disregarded by the organ of my own obsession
ReplyDeleteDriven to breathe in the dark
I watch the haunting ballet of another's heart
Beat till the lifeless end
Truly an expression of my own bloody design
I shiver and desire to ere follow
Marietta Miles
Loved the first line of this and the rest was pretty damn good as well.
DeleteMarietta, A brilliantly observed piece poetic by design. If I'm not mistaken the Voice of an unborn child?
DeleteA supremely eloquent psychopath. Love it.
DeleteMarietta, saying so much in so few words, great stuff!
DeleteA haunting and mysterious piece that begs close reading and intuitive connections. Would like to know more.
DeleteMarietta, this whole piece pivots around those two gorgeous lines in the middle. Dark and suggestive. =)
DeleteClever and chilling Marietta,
DeleteFirstly my congrats to John and Rosie for their excellent pieces last time round.
ReplyDeleteSecondly - John do you take bribes?
Thirdly - my entry for this week.
Virgin Territory
I pull the syringe from between my toes as her incandescent blood dances through my veins; balletically gyrating its way around my insides.
A symphony of pleasure.
She lies next to me, hollowed out, rotting.
Every inhalation breathes new life into these old bones.
I’ve eaten her organs. All that’s left are pieces of her heart wrapped in intestines. They slither down my throat as her nipples fry on the stove.
My body detonates with new found youth and my sex drive follows.
She was unsullied, naïve, it almost makes me feel guilty about what I’m away to do.
Nick, a good execution (sic)This could work into a fascinating longer work I want to know what the protagonist is away to do, and why the guilt has the evil soul been tainted and weakend by the innocence of his vicitm, will it be his/her undoing?
DeleteSome seriously twisted entries this week. The methodical nature of this, and the pleasure taken from the act makes this so damned good - and so damned sinister.
Deleteso many of these entries could be expanded into something really worthwhile, I agree with William, this is one of them, I want to know more!
DeleteGloriously grim work. Love and repulsed by the details of the remaining body parts. Definitely a character/world worthy of further exploration. With the lights on...
DeleteNick, as I said to Phil, the only bribes I take are in fine word craft and thrilling stories...
DeleteAt least he lets nothing go to waste. (Now why do I assume it's a 'he'? Maybe it's a 'she' thinking she can put all that youth to better use.)
Assuming it was a 'he' I did wonder if there might be one last indignity to be visited upon the corpse, with the resurgent sex drive...
A gory little recipe served up with a sprinkling of dark humour that went down very well. Fried nipple anyone?
DeleteThanks for all the nice comments folks!
DeleteTook me forever to get my word count down this time.. Will be be back later to comment more..xx Here we go then..xx
ReplyDeleteA PLAN
'She's a fucking ballet dancer.'
'Ballerina. She'll be perfect.'
'You sure this is going to work?'
'Timing is everything. Follow her, keep her close.'
'Well how long will it take you to get set up?'
I'll call you when he's open. You need that heart out and back pronto. Don't forget the ice and for fucks sake where those medical gloves.'
'I really can't believe you are gonna let me kill that girl for an organ to save his life. You hate him.'
'Indeed I do. But I have a plan and he's no use to me fucking dead.'
I'm loving this, want to... got to know and hear more. I'm hooked.
DeleteRosalind - no fair - this isn't an entry... it's an introduction!! Please keep it going!
DeleteCracking dialogue. Part 2 soon, please :-D
DeleteI'm gonna have to say it too, Rosalind. Part 2, please! What's the plan? ;)
DeletePlease can we have some more? Not surprised you had trouble with the word count this is bursting at the seams.
Deleteooh .. spelling mistake alert... so sorry..xx
DeleteI'm sure we can forgive your spelling error as long as you provide part 2! Enjoyed.
DeleteI liked to follow her, watching the delicate grace with which she took each step, her hemline swaying softly. I had watched the tears spring out on her bright cheeks as the Phantom played the organ, accusing the ballet dancer/songstress Christine of betrayal. We were heading into the subway, bound for home. I couldn't have felt happier.
ReplyDelete"You think that's us? I would never do that!," she whispered, leaning against me as the train left the station.
"And I'll never leave you," I whispered back, meaning every word of it.
She was right. I was wrong.
Michael, a relationship wrapped up in so few words, tied up nicely at the end.
DeleteHello Michael,
DeleteI read this through several times looking for sinister intent and a dark underbelly. I am still unsure but feel it is wistful reminiscence of a love lost. However I am uncertain if my conclusion is correct. Curiously disconcerting.
Nice few bits of dialogue - says it all really. I'm with SK on this though, i was left unsure if there was a nasty surprise waiting for the girlfriend/wife.
DeleteThe Secret Life of the Twilight Obsessed
ReplyDelete“Naomi, what’s number twelve; largest human organ?”
I smiled suggestively and David laughed.
“Don’t think so, dirty mind.”
Studying was interrupted when my squealing sister burst in.
“Daddy confirmed the ballet studio! Should the party be B.Y.O.G?”
“What Sissy?” David looked so cute confused.
“My birthday party, and call me Bella.”
I rolled my eyes. “Bella’s hoping a glittery vampire will come. I’m not following the B.Y.O.G though.”
“Bring your own gasoline, duh.” She stuck out her tongue.
“You’re spoiled but Dad’s not going to allow arson.”
As Sissy flounced away David shuddered.
“That Stephenie Meyer book rots brains.”
MuckieDuckie, I think I'm a little confused too, but I have to agree with the sentiment. ;)
DeleteAh, I was not familiar with Stephenie Meyer,or Twilight. I am now though thanks to you and Google.
DeleteExcellent dialogue.
Great dialogue and intent from Sissy/Bella but like others I have very little knowledge of Twilight but I'm pretty sure it does rot brains.
DeleteI've read all the entries so far. I will be back either Monday afternoon or sometime on Tuesday for my comments.
ReplyDeleteWell done John X and Rosie!
ReplyDeleteTwenty-Two
Veiny, wine coloured streams followed a well-coloured path across the concrete floor.
He worked with methodical slowness, bathing in her fecundity as she drained for him, yet she was still aware of him moving around the table, even though she couldn’t move, his slicing and cutting like a silent ballet, full with gracious movement and measured breath.
Shiny entrails squelched to his touch, like a sensual reflection. Hackett savoured her coiled, taut expression, watched with cold fascination as her organs twitched for him.
Her mouth moved; no sound.
His finger to her bloodied lips; her death would linger.
Number twenty-two.
Gah, AJ, there's a word that I use so often to describe your writing here. Visceral.
DeleteYou bring the darkest details to life with sensation and horror. There's something so terribly, deeply disturbing about the aware victim.
Yeah, that got under my skin. Made me think about all the squishy bits inside me. Feel squirmy now.
Delete*Shudder*
"La, la, la,I cant hear you, hands over my ears."
Well that was quite disgusting and very visceral - so I quite enjoyed it in a weird grossed out way. Good stuff.
DeleteI can't win... but why deny myself the pleasure of such wonderful words...? =)
ReplyDeleteListen
We are the dancers of the Eternal Ballet. You have seen us, we are all around you. And you are one of us.
The Celestial Organ stretches across dimensions. Each key is the size of a continent; it has more stops, pulls and pedals than all the cities that have ever existed. To call the player ‘God’ would be inaccurate, he merely plays for pleasure. There is beauty and there is discordance and it delights him that we dance to his tune.
His is the music that shapes the world. We just follow the beat as best we can.
Interesting,a 100 words,so few to play with,to focus on a tiny sliver. Yet you describe the entire universe. Impressive.
DeleteI'm not really sure what to say. An interesting little drabble. What happens if you're a terrible dancer?
DeleteChris - Very dark and what a way to start. Perhaps Ellie is avenging all of his previous dates.
ReplyDeleteAntonia - While I can't call the subject matter nice, you tell a wonderful story. The last line gave me chills.
Craig - I can't explain this, but I found this to be lovely. There is more here surely.
Dion - I had to read this a few times before I truly understood this. Mimi is twisted and I have a feeling her daughter will carry on the tradition.
William - I love the poetry you create. Drive turned to obsession, you haven't watched Black Swan have you?
S.K. - You pack so much in this funny tale. I agree with William, I want more.
Lily - You had to do spiders? I would be like Lola too if I saw them coming for me. An organ harvester that enjoys his work.
Groovydaz40 - A stalker finally acting out the fantasy? Dark stuff that begs for more.
Nathaniel - The reader is a witness to his/her unstable mind. His companion has no clue. For me that strikes a cord.
philambler - I don't know why but this brought to mind Marie Antoinette. My favorite line was "from the great cosmic ballet to minute grubs burrowing in the dirt."
Marietta - Rhythmical and enticing. Good piece.
Nick - Even though this made my stomach churn it didn't make me stop reading. Great writing!
Rosalind - The beginning did not prepare me for the end. I was thinking one thing when you came out of left field and hit me over the head. The last line was my favorite and I loved this piece.
Michael - Very nice snapshot of a relationship before it ends.
AJ - Disturbing, but I wouldn't expect anything less from Hackett.
John - Beautiful. I love this piece as well. It showcases what a wonderful story teller you are.
Hi
DeleteThank you so much for your comments. I've not seen Black Swan, I just looked it up and I definately will.
Chris – ‘broken, rotting things’ puts the brain in overdrive. Ellie with the sledgehammer to the skull is my kinda girl; he’s one sleazebag.
ReplyDeleteAntonia – I like the sibilance of ‘hurting, starving, crying, dying, captured, enslaved.’ Such a sad story.
Craig – There’s a hint of mystery here; the room, the gun, the nature of the characters…what happens next?
Dion – And to this that this used to be a common practice with ballet dancers – a high price indeed. Loved the descriptive flourishes. The best line? ‘…dancing to the rhapsody of tears.’ So, so revealing.
William – Beautifully poetic and terribly sad.
SK – ‘Flatulent psychopath Fifi le slosh…’ This made me smile and conjured all sorts of pink monstrosities. (Pink IS my idea of a nightmare).
Lily – Dark, delish, demonic, playing on our primitive fears. Watch out Hackett, there’s a new psycho in town!
Darren – I echo the others, lots crammed into this; a pastiche of noir, stalker, slasher and vampire. And a splattering of blood to garnish.
Nathaniel – the gradual build up gives a false sense of security. I’m not a huge fan of 1st person present, but you nail this one.
Phil – Vive l’horreur. The heightened senses are nicely observed, very descriptive and colourful, capturing last moments so well.
Marietta – Great opening gambit; darkly resonant. Lovely poem.
Nick – This is my kinda stuff. Dark, rich, bordering perverse – ‘her nipples fry on the stove’, while the ultimate degradation beckons. Chilling and enjoyable at the same time.
Rosalind – Dialogue only pieces rarely work, but in flash they give the work impetus and immediacy and you’ve managed to grab the reader from the outset and not let go. We need to know more.
Michael – Some interesting observations in this, an unbalanced relationship flashes before us.
Mukieduckie – Ah, I’m not a fan of Meyer or Twiglet (sorry, Twilight) so you’re right, it does rot brains!
John – Gentle and ethereal, and very deep. I’m lifted to Godly heights just reading this.
Yay, I get to say it! The prediction is closed! ^_^
ReplyDeleteI'll let Lily know my decisions later this evening. Great work everyone. =)
Craig, fascinating. Is the MC being asked to murder his teacher in arms? I echo everyone else in wanting to know the bigger picture.
ReplyDeleteDion, wonderfully atmospheric. Da, da, DAHHHHHH!!!! I read this twice - first falling in love with words and phrases such as "...pretty toes, marbled with blood" then gasping in horror at the mother's true plans. My, but this is dangerous (and beautifully written).
William, I love this! This relationship between Morgan and Alice is disturbingly sweet, when we know what they're capable of. I adore "my soon fallen rose" - summons up visions of plump petals (emotions) that will tumble one by one - slow at first, leaving still more to dry in eternal half-death on the thorny stem.
Shaun, What a vision! All the words starting with 'F' and 'S' flew out at me, performing their own dance as they pirhouetted between well-known phrases and well-placed clichés. Splendid penning and an uproarious tale.
Daz, I thought the murderer's arrogance would betray him "...flitting expertly from shadow to shadow" so was surprised when he was able to slake his thirst. I like the image of the huge organ splattered with blood.
Nathaniel, I simply adore the blasé attitude of your narrator. The whole concept of mutual shedding of organs is almost insectile. A really intriguing piece; I loved it.
Phil, vive la Révolution! This is a glorious observation of a life too-well lived, about to meet the pretty blade of Madame Guillotine. Wonderful prose.
Marietta, a haunting freeform poem that resonates with bitterness. Every line stands alone; well-crafted and atmospheric - I enjoyed this very much indeed.
Nick, wickedly indulgent, there are so many layers here I am seeing them scene upon scene, emotion upon emotion. This is mighty powerful stuff that could only fill the page of a book, for a screen could never do the narrator justice. Stunning.
Rosalind, no! Don't stop there! Who is he? What the hell has he done and why do they need him? Ooh Rosie, you've really started something here!
Michael, a loving and seemingly perfectly relationship - wistful and wanting to last forever. "I was wrong" plunged my heart into despair - so clever, and so bloody sad. Well done.
Amber, fun fanfic (not)! Pseudo Bella's going to get the pee taken for all that Twilight malarkey. Nice little scenario here.
AJ, I love how Hackett believe they do what they do for him. I am so intrigued to know more about how he gets hold of his victims and what it is about him that seduces them so easily. Hellraising Hackett horror - as always.
John, thank you for singing to me, erm... us. Beauty and discordance is truly what the universe is made of; it's certainly how I hear it. Beautiful.
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So now the Feardom has closed its doors and we await John's fine and distinguished judging. Who will win tomorrow? For once, I can envy someone else the task. Thank you John. Sleep well.
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