I am SO glad it's Friday. I was expecting a hell of a week - but it all worked out really well. However, I am emotionally shattered and desperate to spend time out in the glorious sunshine - my skin is as grey and peely-wally as can be.
But that is neither here nor there, for there are words to discuss!
Firstly, congratulations to Mimi for winning last week's Prediction challenge with the splendid Last In Line. I can't get the imagery out of my head. And well done too to runners-up Chris and Reba with Ma petite homunculus and Patterns. All entries were outstanding.
This week's words are interesting...
- Template
- Spike
- Spoil
Rules
The rules are: 100 words max flash fiction or poetry using all of the words above. Please add your entries in the Comments box below. You have all week until 9pm UK time on Wednesday 13th April to enter. [A day earlier than usual].
Winner will be announced next Wednesday or Thursday. If you can, please tweet about your entry, using the #fridayflash hashtag, and blog if you feel like it.
Winner will be announced next Wednesday or Thursday. If you can, please tweet about your entry, using the #fridayflash hashtag, and blog if you feel like it.
All newcomers are welcome to try their hand at the challenge. And the earlier you post, the more likely you are to receive comments on your work. Go on - take the plunge!
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Trial and Error
ReplyDeletePerverse crafting made the design of the barbed spike swift and efficient upon entry, though its real power was found in removal. That rapid motion extricated the kidney in one clean jerk.
There was no initial template to follow though.
Mother suffered tremendously, the barbs were dull, her immediate blood loss wasn’t sufficient, greatly prolonging her death.
Father too took his time; I’d missed his kidney and instead struck his spinal column. The shriek he uttered would spoil fresh milk!
With Grandmamma, it was perfected. Ironic, as her recipe for steak and kidney pie took on an entire new dimension.
I'm glad we're having fish for tea tonight! Impressively revolting this, Michael.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry, Sandra. I'll make him squirm with THIS one!
ReplyDeleteFly Trap
The template was finally finished. The spikes were difficult to design correctly. Their angle had to be such that they would be imperceptible upon the insertion.
When he tried to pull out, that would be another matter entirely. His "fun" would not be the only thing spoiled.
I smirked as I labored over the device. Primitive man thought that women had teeth in their vaginas. I would walk the park alone at night, wearing my concealed invention. And prove to the Ridley Park rapist that SOME women actually DO.
oooh, what a start to this week!
ReplyDeleteMichael, beautifully gruesome!
Mimi, I love revenge stories and they don't come better than this!
Got a couple of ideas floating around, will go see what I can do with them.
Ok, here goes
ReplyDeleteAmateur serial killer
I wish there was a template for murder.
I mean, looksee, I spoiled this one, damn spike went in wrong, sideways. Messy. Not what I intended. Should have gone through the eye, so it should.
Upset I am; the face is spoiled. It isn’t right, it’s – messy.
I did all right with the others. Oh the name they put on me in the papers, SPIKE KILLER STRIKES AGAIN! makes me feel good.
Trademark, so it is. Proud of it, I am.
How else could I get people to remember me?
I’ll kill another one tonight. Need the practice, I do...
Mimi- you've done squirm to perfection and I like your language Antonia! Here's my contribution:
ReplyDeletePhilistine?
Went to that art installation – ‘Sensation II’ - different bloke though - these are all female, life-like, almost one-dimensional, pinned to the wall with a spike through the forehead ... difficult to frame I suppose.
I asked, did he have a template but he said it wasn’t necessary – started with the raw material, as it were, and just put through this giant press – bit like a mangle - several times sometimes, to get them flat enough. The cleaning up took longer.
I asked what the ‘raw material’ was ... when he told me it quite spoilt my dinner,
I was late last week through not feeling well, so I thought I'd turn up early this week with a little flash adapted from a short story of the same name.
ReplyDeleteSliver
He worked quickly so she wouldn’t spoil.
She made patterns on the floor; a misshaped carmine coloured template to his immaculate harvesting. She gleamed in his hands; moist reflections filled his expression as he collected fragile slivers.
Her pain had spiked; numbness rushed in to mask her miserable odour. She’d made poppy puddles; he was careful not to slip on the mess.
He laid her out, slice after slice. Next to her tongue. He worked better listening to her gurgle in her own blood.
She had young, beautiful, soft skin.
And he was going to collect every inch of it.
I was AWOL last week due to visitors, work and beer, so I need to redeem myself. Here's a rusty effort to start with...
ReplyDeleteRole-Play.
“What you doin’ ?”
“Makin’ a template,” Spike said, not looking up from his work.
“What of?”
“You, ya fuckin’ loser,” Spike answered.
He spun and pulled the trigger. The bullet ripped through the goon’s stomach, knocking his dead body to the ground. A spray of fluid flew through the air
“Oh fuck, that’s gonna spoil the casket,” Spike mumbled.
He put the gun down, grabbed a cloth and started rubbing. The corpse lay at his feet, embalming fluid draining from the fresh wound.
“Holy fucking shit,” he laughed, “This kind of role-playing beats the crap out of the X-Box!”
End.
I loved Fly Trap and Sliver. Both of them gave me the creeps. :) My humble offerings:
ReplyDeleteSigns Following
"You spoiled it."
Her voice was gentle but that was a lie. She looked thoughtfully at the spike in her hand, then back at the girl suspended above her. A smile spread across her face and spoiled her beauty, cracking her face into their component parts, ugly, wolfish, feral.
The girl shrieked, was quiet. Erszebet shook her head, a dark sheen of hair cascading over the pale skin of her neck and shoulders. She had a plan, a template in her head that would guide the sharp metal tip to maximize exsanguination.
Head tipped back, she bathed.
Splendid entries already!
ReplyDeleteHere's (one of) mine. I'll be back over the weekend to comment and maybe add another.
__________________________________
God’s Gift
“Don’t let it spoil,” Marlon sniggered as I stirred. “It’s a Marlon Template.” His cream frothed pale in the jug and I wondered who would be the first to receive it.
Snort. Hilarity. Fancy that for a father?
“Shut your eyes dork; time for round two.”
I watched as he settled himself back in the chair, clothed except for the chimney at his groin. I studied it without touching.
“I don’t get it. What magic erupts from that ugly spike that women are so desperate for?”
He fondled himself.
“Don’t knock the Marlon.”
Despite myself, I knew he was right.
War Spoils
ReplyDeleteExuding an infectious calm, General Qasim patrolled the camp outskirts to cure his soldier's lunacy, fighting the blasphemists' lure, frothing in the smoke beyond the spiked heads. He'd followed the template, but the crowds spoiled. Blood boiled. Every step drained his strength.
Qasim crossed the no man's zone, breathing smoldering skin. He lashed the crowds with his will. Fomenting silence. Their shouts of anger foiled his control.
Like grains blowing in a sandstorm, they trampled him, overwhelming his camp. His mouth cursed. Beetles. Salted wells. Drought. Disease.
A boy offered water. Refusing the boy's mercy, Qasim wouldn't admit their humanity.
Michael perfect end line. I like the fresh way you approached the blood-curdling scream with “spoil fresh milk”.
ReplyDeleteMimi: Yes, you harvested a squirm. Well told and I like the inventiveness of the protagonist.
Antonia: The child-like voice of this killer gives me the creeps. He seems okay except for the nonchalance with which he analyzes the perfection of his kills.
Sandra: I'm fond of art, but I may have to declare some things too avant-garde. Liked the quality of the remembered dialogue and how it creates a little bit of distance.
AJ: horrors! Nicely captured, really enjoyed the flow of the opening two sentences.
David: great dialogue as usual. Life can trump video games occasionally. The details of corpse and embalming fluid provide a great base that anchors a strong image of place.
Ragemore: lovely and demonic. I enjoyed the way you broke down the smile into its parts of ugly, wolfish, feral.
Lily: very strong images here, you capture well the innocence of the protagonist while the reality comes across strong.
thanks for the comments! Aidan, I worked long and hard to capture that childish tone, it seemed to fit the way I 'saw' the piece.
ReplyDeleteSandra, leaving lots to the imagination, excellent! So well crafted to bring us to that point.
AJ. horrific as ever ... soooo good.
David, yuk!
Ragemore, wonderful imagery.
Lily, setting up a scenario for a longer piece?
Aidan, war tales, good one. Cutting last line.
mimi - so glad you too went with spike design!
ReplyDeleteantonia - eyeball entry is perfect!
sandra- never ask such questions on a full tummy..
aj - oh my ! a connoisseur!!
david - you are one sick fuck
ragemore - elegant
lily - perve!
aidan - brilliant construction - perfect
WOW!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat gruesome pretties! Top notch this week, you folks.
Michael Solender: Perfectly horrid. I'm glad that Grandmama didn't suffer. Much.
mimimanderly: Ah, what a useful little device this would be. I believe something like this should be marketed. Rape statistics would spiral down. And Feminism would make a comeback. Delightful.
Antonia Woodville: A sordid little peek into the mind of the perverse.
Sandra Davies: Art nouveau for the serial killer? That press is a nasty little twist.
AJ Humpage: Such silky, vivid imagery. And the "poppy puddles". Quite adore this. Good stuff, and thank you.
David Barber: Reminds me of "Shaun of the Dead" with its humor and lackadaisical violence. Embalming fluid can smell hideous.
Ragemore: I think perhaps this character could teach Elizabeth Bathory a few things. Nice work.
Lily: Sexy as always, enjoyed the 'chimney' bit! Do post more. I agree with Michael, 'perve!'. But you know we love it.
Aiden: What a refreshing piece, despite the smokey description. Curious about the enemy.
Thank you all!
A.J. - 'poppy puddles' is wonderful slippery
ReplyDeleteDavid - Spike as a name - good one, lets you concentrate on the rest.
Ragemore - it's pieces that convince me I'm out of my depth
Lily - instinct is a powerful thing.
Aidan - this is ponderous and vivid.
Just so you know - I have a press at home - and I know how to use it.
Inspiration has been fickle, if I can rummage up better I'll likely give it another try. Here is . . .
ReplyDeleteMother's little angel.
When he screamed at the spoiled corpse lying on the welcome mat, studded with maggots and ropes, she worried for his psyche - of children playing such nasty pranks near home. When she tripped downstairs, falling on a wooden spike of his play fortress, mother wondered at his lack of friends while she healed. While he outlined the template of a murder mystery board game, she beamed at his delicate mind.
When he sobbed while their poisoned dog died in the yard, cries hack-sawing through his little body, she never saw the grin as he dry heaved.
I'll be back to comment tomorrow - love the dark twists everyone is playing with. Not sure how long this little story of mine will go, but this week's words inspired a Chapter 2 from last week:
ReplyDeleteHomonculus, ça marche
Belanger's stroked the outside of the leather purse. "Soon, ma chère. We mustn't spoil our surprise.
Normally, to bother Michaud in the middle of the night was to tempt death. Belanger knocked.
A shotgun, instead of a face, poked out the crack in the door.
"Fuck off!"
"It's me, Michaud," said Belanger. "Rather, us."
"Us?" Michaud's demeanor changed. The door swung open. "The template. La poupèe? It worked?"
In reply, Belanger freed Elodie from the satchel. Elodie freed her little arm-spike - the one with narcotic potion.
"Oui," said Belanger. "She worked ..." He smiled at Elodie.
"... after a fashion."
So Michael thinks I'm a perve? I don't know what you mean, Mr. S. ;)
ReplyDeleteMichael, Trial and Error is a gruesome and bizarro vignette; visceral and intriguing. Yum - I love this kind of horror!
Mimi, a woman's revenge! Killer last line and an excellent write. I actually wrote the outline of a novel on this very subject - but with a twist. Might revisit that sometime - you've inspired me!
Antonia, love the voice in this (Welsh?) serial killer narration; the description of how he's honing his skill sends shivers.
Sandra, this is fantastically visual. The flat women leap (or rather langour) on the white walls of the imagination. Tate Modern would gag for it. Brilliant. Oh, and yes - you do have a press! Predictioneers, do take a look at Sandra's artwork on her blog, - she's a very talented woman.
AJ, hope you'll be feeling better soon. "He worked quickly so she wouldn’t spoil" - what an opener. And the story matched. Beautifully described, with a wicked poetry throughout. "immaculate harvesting", "poppy puddles" - exquisite.
David, back with a vengeance! This is brilliant, verging on 'inappropriate' which means I love it even more. Great idea - gotta be filmed, surely?
Ragemore, the menace in "Her voice was gentle but that was a lie." is fiercely tantalising. Then what a picture you paint - I have a mild obsession with Bathory and you have perfectly described my vision of her alleged bloodbath. Luscious.
Aidan, the heat of Iraq trembles through your words and my head hurts with the pride and fear so eloquently portrayed. Amazing writing.
Ooh Jenny, Mother's little angel is a true serial killer in the making. Now the dog's gone, I think we know who'll be next. Very, very disturbing and the mother's ignorance is so well captured. This feels like a backdrop to a wider piece.
Chris, oh que j'adore l'homunculus! This is right up there for me as spine tingling scary. Dolls, vampires, resurrection - a goth thrill and I want more. Indeed I would go as far as to say - feed me.
Everyone - you are blowing my mind this week, truly.
Welsh? possibly! didn't consciously think Welsh but if we consciously think, we wouldn't write much of what we write... Celtic heritage from both sides of my parents, Scottish and Welsh and strong Welsh influence on this life through ex's family. Could well be some of that crept in.
ReplyDeleteThis week is amazing so far, and we are only at Sunday ... such amazing entries!
Jenny, 'if I can rummage up better...' it's brilliant!
Chris, expand, elongate, make it a big read, it's all there.
Michael - Thank you for finally realising. After reading your story I think we should form a cult for sickos! HAHA!! Great tale, mate!
ReplyDeleteMimi - I sicked up a little whilst reading this. Thanks! A very inventive story. :-)
Antonia - That was great. He/she had a great "voice" and added to the feeling that the killer was a bit of a simpleton. Well done.
Sandra - I can actually see the women after they come out of the press, like freshly rolled pasta...only a lot messier!! :-) Nice write!
AJ - Sick, twisted and delicious. Brilliant. Nuff said!
Ragemore - That was fantastic. And exsanguination is a great word. The whole image reminded me of a scene from Hostel 2. Well done.
Lily - You dirty bird!! Would love to read a longer version of this. I was going to say "great imagery", but a blokes exploding chimney isn't something I want to think about! Ha!
Aiden - You execute this style so well. Great work.
Jenny - If you can "rummage up" something better than that, we are in for a hell of a treat. Loved it! The early years of a psychotic killer. Awesome!
Chris - Come on then, we need part 3.....now, please. A great serial. Keep it up, mate!
There are some real sick puppies this week. I'm loving it after missing a couple of recent sessions. Keep it up people!
Michael - There is always something terrifying about the methodical psychopath...
ReplyDeleteMimi - ouch! That's, um... *crosses legs*
Antonia - great voice, they do say practice makes perfect! ;)
Sandra - I suppose if you got all the liquid out they wouldn't smell too badly... ;)
AJ - uck, it was the gurgling that got me. =/
David - it's disturbing thinking what people might do to your corpse...
Whoops! Out of time... I'll come back for more, later. =)
Sorry, missed last week. So for this week ...
ReplyDeleteAnd there was light
Her skin was tanned and stretched to perfection. He held it to the light and a soft glow passed through. As his fingertips caressed the fine vellum, memories of passed nights flickered through his dark mind.
"Beautiful."
He tossed it on the bench.
"Make sure the template includes the tattoo. Don't spoil it."
The spike followed the outline, and the shape was laid out for its admirer.
"Now she will give as much pleasure in death as she did in life. This lampshade will look good in my quarters at Buchenwald. It completes the set"
I promise to come back and comment, but in the mean time, the big reveal.
ReplyDeleteKooks First
Sweating like a bonking pig, he’s the shovel man for our first kill. The spoil covered her ruby lips and ran into her mouth, she choked and gagged. In my head, I kissed her she responded, and I could taste her saliva mixed with breathy peat. This was supposed to be the template for those to come, but he had to go for a choking rather than a clean cold spike to the heart. He was scared rather than sacred, didn’t pull hard enough. In his visions he sees Uriel, but in life he called me Mother.
Ragemore - Instant shower, I like it. ;)
ReplyDeleteLily - kind of want to know the bigger picture here... and kind of don't at the same time... ;)
Aidan - there's madness in war and then there's Madness... great rhythm and surreality.
Jenny - birth of a psycho, I can hear the neighbours now, 'he was always such a -nice- boy'...
Chris - Very natural continuation, good pace and voice.
Kim - Ah, honouring the dead... ;)
William - something is pulling this week's pieces into pits of madness and psycopathy, this mind is a dark and feverish.
Michael – Deliciously horrible. You’ve woven the horror within the narrative with a cold, calculating voice.
ReplyDeleteMimi – Ouch…feminine revenge in the most painful way. Love the angle on this, the way you’ve turned the balance of sexual power on its head.
Antonia – The tone of the narrator sounds a simple sort, but therein lies a darkness if we scratch the surface, and told with cold clarity.
Sandra – Wonderfully horrific – I sense a longer tale in this one.
David – Dark and twisted…more necroBox than Xbox…love it.
Ragemore – The descriptive quality comes through strongly within the narrative, it’s nicely told.
Lily – This one is bursting at the sexual seams; how delectable.
Aiden – Some powerful imagery is skilfully woven through the fabric of this piece. Good stuff.
Jenny – Some wonderful descriptions, “cries hacksawing through his little body” is just brilliant. You create the stirrings of a psychopath. This is wonderfully creepy.
Chris – Un petit conte d’horreur! We love serial tales.
Kim – A take of skinning, but the backdrop provides greater importance; the undertone of Buchenwald’s horrors. Nicely told.
William – Another wonderfully dark one; the psychotic essence oozes into the subconscious.
WHat an impressive week it's turning out to be.
ReplyDeleteMichaelThese are the things that keep me awake at night. I love the phrase "The shriek he uttered would spoil fresh milk"
MimiOuch, I'm trying so much not to think about it (I failed)
Antonia Love the voice in this piece
Sandra I thought Tracey Emin's concoctions turned my stomach
AJShe’d made poppy puddles, that line slayed me
David Love it! Seems I'm justified When interviewing for Staff I always ask "What's your favourite video game, and how would you improve it?", the answers I get, well!
Ragemoreexsanguination, I love it.
LilyWhat a twisted twosome, there's a deeper story here.
AidanSome fantastic imagery here, I could taste it.
JennyChucky Child personified
Chris Homunculus, I love that word and I love your french GOthic piece, I want more.
KIM A brilliant twist with the location hitting the final impact.
Michael – Every so often you remind me that you can roll with the sick bastards. This is malicious fun.
ReplyDeleteMimi - Once on a tour of a medieval museum, I saw a chastity belt that had an aperture lined with iron spikes, so I had a crystal clear vision of your sexual vigilante here.
Antonia – your killer is so gosh-darned earnest, I want him/her to succeed despite the horror
Sandra – sounds like the Ed Gein gallery of art… Gruesome, with great visuals.
AJ – how weird is it that, with a step towards darker, more grotesque horror, I actually feel this is lighter fare for you compared to the real-life evil you tell so well?
David – This is awesome. Everyone knows a couple of doorknobs like this – and it’s tremendous fun to see their stupidity taken to the nth degree.
Ragemore – Loved the visuals here. The animalization of her features made this even more
terrible. It reminded me of a photo by Horror Artist Josh Hoffine: http://animalnewyork.com/
wp-content/uploads/2009/09/josh_horror.jpg
Lily – this is like porn without the cameras – and the innocence of the speaker makes this captivating (and a little pervy…)
Aidan – a great look into the mind of a real monster. The immortality complex that so many of these megalomaniacs have is fascinating to see … from afar.
Jenny – You’ve nailed down something really truthful here. How much would a loving mother overlook? A lot, probably.
Kim - Way to continue the serial killer theme in style. Like Psychotic art-deco. Wonderful.
William – Who the hell are these people? They make me itch. Well written, indeed.
Still a little rough around the edges... but...
ReplyDeleteCattle
“Ah ha! Found it!”
Doc Carmine brandished the template with blue-stained fingers.
Back at his workbench he pressed his head to the girl’s chest, listening. Lingering a little too long.
Still alive, good. Spiking drinks was an art form... wouldn’t do to spoil the merchandise.
He hauled her onto her front and held the template against the pale skin of her hip, spreading his fingers to keep it in place, grabbing more flesh than was perhaps necessary.
The spray paint would only stain for a week or two. Good thing, she would be someone else’s property by then.
I'd been struggling to get that out for days, and the moment I post it my brain meats conjure up something else... so...
ReplyDeleteTemplate for Extinction
He was to be a template for the new breed.
Humanity had lost its way, stepped outside of evolution. The weak were allowed to thrive; the meek had already inherited the Earth. That would no longer be tolerated.
He flexed his weaponry, watching sharpness shift beneath his inky, black skin. Spikes of bone clawed at him from the inside, thirsty for freedom, for the fight, for a bite of human flesh.
And he was just the first.
War was coming. To the victor go the spoils.
To the victor go the planet.
Michael - Yuk! who gets it next?
ReplyDeleteMimi - Eyewatering revenge
Antonia - I feel a Victorian darkness here
Sandra - Nice artwork to brighten the day
AJ - love the poppy puddles
David - Igor has an XBox?
Ragemore - Bloody good shower, this one!
Lily - ooo!
Aiden - I get a vision of Warhammer...
Jenny - Dreadful child
Chris - lovely double cross
William - Sweating like a bonking pig - great line
John - Two great dark tales
running out of time fast, so much to do!
ReplyDeleteAmazing entries this week, very very dark, deeper and gorier than usual, am I right? the spike bit has set us all going, I think! Lily, great words!
Thanks everyone for the comments.
Jenny, really did like that.
Chris, what a twist going on there...
William, images, what images...
John, excelling yourself!
Kim - Human skin lampshades, there's got to be a gap in the market for those. I'm in!!
ReplyDeleteWilliam - Dark and twisted and oozing with insanity. Great job!
John Xero - Two great pieces. The first was my fave! Well done, mate.
Wow, amazing entries this week! I will be back to comment tomorrow. In the meantime, here's mine:
ReplyDeletePenance
Jana says the soulless were Angels once, the template for all of us gone terribly wrong.
I asked how He could make such a mistake. The priest slapped me so hard I slammed into a pillar. After a day on my knees where the terrible things happen, I didn’t ask again.
Mama cried because my beauty had been spoiled and penance had made me worthless.
Headaches came, like spikes in my brain, every time I passed the church.
I prayed, and Angels came to paint the cathedral red. I sprinkled them with water, blessing their recycled souls.
No one kneels anymore.
Hi all
ReplyDeleteI'll be back to comment on the most recent entries this evening. Apologies - yet another manic week has stolen my time away!
Just a reminder though, the Prediction Challenge closes TODAY Wednesday at 9.00pm UK time - not Thursday.
Catch y'all later...
Michael - Wonderfully gross cannibalism! I like the calm recitation, too.
ReplyDeleteMimi - That she's willing to endure what it will take to get justice is almost as disturbing as her invention.
Antonia - Nice voice in this piece - childlike and disturbed, but so, so proud.
Sandra - With slight visuals, you created a dreadful picture, one I can't seem to shake off.
AJ - That is just so horrible, I barely have words. Truly, truly creepy. Well done.
David - A nice answer to those who argue that video games don't lead to aberrant behavior. Let's hope my boys don't decide to play zombie for real...
Ragemore - Elizabeth Bathory would be so proud! I hope your Erszebet has servants to clean up after her "bath," though one doubts they would live very long.
Lily - What magic indeed? Sounds like they have quite the business set up, and I find myself wondering who the narrator is.
Aidan - This is wonderfully desolate. I felt the drag of all the futile effort and was glad he lived long enough to curse them.
Jenny - I swear I knew that kid, albeit a lighter version. The blindness of the mother is spot-on and makes the whole thing believable.
Chris - I want this story to keep going! Such a beautiful pacing to the dialogue, and the little bits of horror so nicely tucked inside.
William - That was delightfully macabre. The loving description really made it, especially the difference between the imagined kiss and what really went on.
John - Cattle is so close to what really happens that it freaks me out. The extra touching makes it worse.
Template for Extinction is chilling in a totally different way. It feels like the seed of a book I would want very much to read. Who made him? This is one heck of a hook.
All in all, this has been an excellent week for reading! Applause all around.
about to get involved in a story, so no time for individual comments (the author is here and [pestering) but wanted to take the time to say this week has been outstanding, better than ever, loved all the reading. Thanks for all the effort from all of you!
ReplyDeleteKim, this was wildly disturbing even before the Buchenwald reference. Highly visual too. Possibly the casual way the skin was tossed onto the bench perturbed me most. Clever writing.
ReplyDeleteWilliam, "Sweating like a bonking pig" is an outrageous opener - I love it! Wow; so this is what makes Kook the twisted psychopath we've come to... love? There really is meat (sorry) in this character and I think you have something very special here.
John, Cattle terrifies me. There is something so potentially feasible about this dreadful scenario... Powerful penning.
And zoom on - to Template for Extinction, a Mad Max vision of the future. Inevitable? As the Shangri-Las sang "May-ay-be". A well-crafted duo.
Shit, Reba, but this is a strong scenario and excellent piece of writing. "After a day on my knees where the terrible things happen..." is crying out to be amplified. Totally, and horribly enjoyable.
40 mins to go - any more for any more?
A late and rather rubbish entry from me, I suppose...(Not feeling too good mentally at the moment).
ReplyDeleteTENDER PREY
You were the perfect template.
Soft skin, silky golden locks of hair, rosy cheeks…everything about you I adored. You were untouched, unloved. Perfect beyond all doubt.
I spiked your carton of orange juice; you were calm and placid against my soft cotton sheets.
I smiled; you barely made a sound, except for the soft sounds of your breath.
I could hear your mother banging and screaming on the other side of the door; but that didn’t matter. It was just you and me.
You were all mine to spoil.
Au contraire Pix. A terrifying narration by the despoiler; breaks my heart.
ReplyDeleteThis week's Friday Prediction is now closed for entries. I thank you; I thank you.
Kim - I missed you in my larger post, apologies. Your story hit me in a sore spot. My 8th grade social studies teacher was a survivor. Hence, we watched every second of available footage of concentration camps. I was 13. I do not watch movies about that war, no matter how good. I'm done for a lifetime because I really will never forget. I think your piece is as real as it gets, so it worked.
ReplyDeletePixie - Late, perhaps, but not rubbish at all. There's such a quiet joy to the rapist that it makes my skin crawl.
Can't believe the week has already almost fled.
ReplyDeleteJenny: intriguing premise of the rose-colored glasses one views their children through. Clever use of words that fit the theme.
Chris: I love the names and the way you worked the french into this Frankenstein-like continuation. Hope this settles in and you get a longer story out of this.
Kim: Buchenwald is a wonderful cap to the depravity of this scene. Lovely touches.
William: the voice brings out a chilling quality in this. The opening hooks me and the desire/death creates a strong sense of character.
John: Cattle, like the way this never says human-trafficing but it clearly comes out through the grabbing more flesh than necessary and other parts. Extinction, I get a very Alien's feel from this with the change coming from within.
Reba: love the mix of fallen angels and fallen churches here. Very intriguing world and I'd love to see more of this protagonist.
Pixie: nice ending line; you pack a lot of menace into this piece.