tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post9018017489526897548..comments2023-12-31T16:30:56.708+00:00Comments on Lily Childs' Feardom: Lily's Friday PredictionLily Childshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comBlogger69125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-6227731283768097202010-12-02T23:53:59.196+00:002010-12-02T23:53:59.196+00:00Pixie don't worry we all do it with titles. We...Pixie don't worry we all do it with titles. We can write thousands of words and struggle to encapsulate it in a few. Rule of thumb from Hitchcock that I adhere to, give it away in the title while not giving it away in the title.<br /><br />Yeah far too easier said than done. But with a twist, they forget the title easily when hit with the pay-off they remember it.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04760596809720075421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-85662585567672232362010-12-02T23:46:18.522+00:002010-12-02T23:46:18.522+00:00This comment has been removed by the author.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04760596809720075421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-22152979938176212722010-12-02T22:52:25.431+00:002010-12-02T22:52:25.431+00:00RS - I love the sleaze oozing from this piece. Som...RS - I love the sleaze oozing from this piece. Some great lines.<br /><br />David - A slice of intrigue to stir the juices. We need more...<br /><br />William - This simply bubbles with imagery; excellent rendition of the whole piece.<br /><br />Elspeth - This is touching and yet there is a dark undertone.<br /><br />Asuqi - Great description and imagination. 'Crying peacock tears' is very evocative.<br /><br />Susan - Dark and grusome and a hint of coldness coming through to chill the reader.<br /><br />Sandie - Another story that oozes dark deeds and a chilling undercurrent. Great last line.<br /><br />Pixie - Disturbing story full with intention, and a clever use of the title to maximise ambiguity - the double meaning is chilling. Well done for someone so young.AllWriteFictionAdvicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-20620115031022198572010-12-02T22:09:53.857+00:002010-12-02T22:09:53.857+00:00I believe I'm late, but I thought I'd post...I believe I'm late, but I thought I'd post anyways. I should be on time next week.<br /><br />Michael - what a poignant picture you conjure of the peacock.<br /><br />Anthony - nice twist; I like the ending.<br /><br />Chris - great images, I like Diana's spunk.<br /><br />Antonia - I like the voice in this story and it feels slightly keystone cops to me with how he almost blunders out but the way he treats the bird comes back to haunt him.<br /><br />Susan - I like the title, and the play on words that you use.<br /><br />AJ - truly chilling, I like the idea of trusting cloud.<br /><br />Bill - liked the different use of lime in number one; the knife slipping & stained sheets create a vivid image. There seem to be echos of how the two could fit together.<br /><br />Lily - I like Chuck's mom's final words as he heads out. Chuck comes across as a richly layered wine; a good one that has been corked.<br /><br />RS - Captures theatre backbiting. Loved the screech when the hoop earring is pulled.<br /><br />David - Nice start; I want to read the rest.<br /><br />William - After hearing about <a href="http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/406/true-urban-legends" rel="nofollow">rats in the toilets</a> you've reminded me again and I'll be turning on the light in the bathroom tonight.<br /><br />Elspeth - I like how you capture her two competing desires. A part of me is in denial that she actually killed the child.<br /><br />Asuqi - I love the image of lime-colored legs and enjoyed this futuristic twist.<br /><br />Susan - Nice twist on the sociapath in the police department; liked the details and how much you've squeezed into this.<br /><br />Sandie - Chilling character; loved the description of the feather it really brought out the details and made me think of a wood-lacquered room in the bottom of a ship.<br /><br />Pixie - dark; I liked the smells and details in the opening.AidanFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09876041003278004627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-54981463789131420352010-12-02T22:04:40.010+00:002010-12-02T22:04:40.010+00:00Chris, that was my fear! I couldn't think of a...Chris, that was my fear! I couldn't think of a better title. I feel like crying now... :(<br /><br />Thanks for the comments though.Katherine Moriartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906656050961262255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-73271023515210193832010-12-02T21:34:17.669+00:002010-12-02T21:34:17.669+00:00"I want the full skinny," she said with ..."I want the full skinny," she said with a lock of hair plastered to her face.<br /><br />He gripped the peacock's feathers and mounted. "Not much to say." Lightning flashed. His Adam's apple bobbed as the giant bird stepped to counteract his weight.<br /><br />"Blimey lime! You're going to leave?"<br /><br />"Differences." His hand paused on the peacock's neck.<br /><br />"You bet she's different. Fae make poor lovers."<br /><br />"You're one to talk."<br /><br />She whitened as if he'd struck her. "It wasn't always so."<br /><br />He bit his lip, a moment passed. His voice changed. "I know." He grabbed the reins.<br /><br />Droplets washed away her tears.AidanFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09876041003278004627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-66115804765342144082010-12-02T21:32:44.238+00:002010-12-02T21:32:44.238+00:00Sandy - very descriptive and visceral, yet bright ...Sandy - very descriptive and visceral, yet bright and vibrant at the same time.<br /><br />Pixie - this was awfully good at being awfully disturbing. One thing though - you did such an exquisite job setting up a horrifying, dark climax ... but you gave away your ending in the title!!<br /><br />Lily - good luck choosing! It's a wonderful problem to have - seeing that it's you who's brought it out of us all. ;)Chris Alliniottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04094925215735680849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-23421902245137461632010-12-02T20:53:07.624+00:002010-12-02T20:53:07.624+00:00I guess so Lily. But an idea literally hit me as I...I guess so Lily. But an idea literally hit me as I walked out the shower earlier and for that, to add to your hard task of judging...a dark little tale from me.<br /><br /><b> DADDY'S LITTLE GIRL </b><br /><br />The zesty lime scent from her shower gel pricked and aroused my senses as I watched her though the crack of the bathroom door.<br /><br />I hid in the shadows, peered at her skinny frame walking into her bedroom. The heat from the shower made her dizzy and my heart fluttered as she stuttered and dropped to the floor.<br /><br />I chuckled devilishly, edged forward towards her, taking advantage. I sat astride her, disrobed her and tickled her with the peacock feather.<br /><br />She roused. Eyes sprang wide. <br /><br />A wry smile formed on my lips; her whisper, so close.<br /><br />‘No dad...Please no...’Katherine Moriartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906656050961262255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-73495080851974699672010-12-02T18:08:49.315+00:002010-12-02T18:08:49.315+00:00Pix, I think it's stronger to hold on to a pie...Pix, I think it's stronger to hold on to a piece than submit something you're not completely happy with. I've got books worth of those!<br /><br />Sandie - glad you entered and that you feel inspired - we'd like to read more.<br /><br />Less than three hours until this Prediction closes. Winning piece will be announced before midnight; you lot - you're too good to be true.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-22300209051581018992010-12-02T16:33:37.596+00:002010-12-02T16:33:37.596+00:00Amazing at the imagination of everyone!
This is ...Amazing at the imagination of everyone! <br /><br />This is the first time I've joined in a blog or written anything like this (I usually write tepid mysteries or cosy happy-ending stories). So thanks for comments, I feel inspired to write some more like this now!Sandie Owennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-20046613255054058412010-12-02T12:54:15.327+00:002010-12-02T12:54:15.327+00:00I don't really know if it's worth botherin...I don't really know if it's worth bothering with an entry from me this week, to be honest. I think my ideas are blocked with all this snow. The thing I've written at the moment, which follows on from last week's and the week before seems a little...bland...and I doubt I'll come up with anything dark enough.<br /><br />Damn.Katherine Moriartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906656050961262255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-78936023454984308732010-12-02T09:42:14.671+00:002010-12-02T09:42:14.671+00:00Sandie-I've been looking for a good scary film...Sandie-I've been looking for a good scary film to watch tonight. Any chance I can just download your mind instead? The way you described the oozing at the end sounded like a Saw version of a L'Oreal hair dye advert. Nicely done.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04760596809720075421noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-58162149508532547912010-12-01T18:55:14.927+00:002010-12-01T18:55:14.927+00:00brilliant piece, Sandie, you fit well on Lily'...brilliant piece, Sandie, you fit well on Lily's Feardom with ideas like that! Very nasty.Antonia Woodvillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12594229396805493611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-13714255493270699202010-12-01T18:03:53.903+00:002010-12-01T18:03:53.903+00:00Hi there Sandie. Welcome to The Feardom.
A great...Hi there Sandie. Welcome to The Feardom. <br /><br />A great entry here with Peacock Feather. I enjoyed how we didn't know who or what was squawking followed by the vicious attack of revenge. Loved the final words.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-77156919717364645542010-12-01T14:24:40.220+00:002010-12-01T14:24:40.220+00:00Peacock Feather
The shrill squawk woke him. He tu...Peacock Feather<br />The shrill squawk woke him. He turned in the bed, a peacock's feather slapped against his face, its eye gawking at him. He sat up, snatching the offending iridescent quill from the vase. The ear-piercing screech sounded again, reverberating round his trampled head, hitting him smack between the eyes. He stared at the skinny bitch, clothed in a lime green dress lying next to him. Barb in hand he shot it into her eye, it oozed blood red onto the dress, the acidic green turning in a pleasing brown-like colour. He smiled, satisfied, an eye for an eye.Sandie Owennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-1266089662231128312010-11-30T19:55:19.430+00:002010-11-30T19:55:19.430+00:00Antonia; I wonder that myself. I'm quaking in ...Antonia; I wonder that myself. I'm quaking in my thigh-lengths.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-3333461297628956672010-11-30T19:41:12.142+00:002010-11-30T19:41:12.142+00:00Asuqi, wow ... what can you say about that?
Susan ...Asuqi, wow ... what can you say about that?<br />Susan May, very clever twist shown with just a few words.<br /><br />Lily, how in the name of heaven are you going to judge this week's winner... here it is only Tuesday and look what you have already!Antonia Woodvillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12594229396805493611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-37564575938149831222010-11-30T18:32:02.683+00:002010-11-30T18:32:02.683+00:00Thanks everyone for their comments, I finally got ...Thanks everyone for their comments, I finally got around to reading the whole thread<br /><br />Michael: Agree with Susan really haunting that sticks with you<br /><Anthony: Love the switch back at the end hunter becomes hunted<br />Chris: I love the description of Duke<br />Antonia: Ow my eyes I wasn't expecting that<br />Sue H: Vicious I love Vicious<br /><br />AJ: Clever how you built it up to be drawn in then the full horror <br />Bill: #1 Great story of revenge love the last line "later he would come to call it happiness.<br /> #2 I so wanted it to continue on and read more<br />Lily: I'm morbidly fascinated by the world you created, I keep going back to read it again.<br />RS: I love the descriptions in this.<br />David: Can't wait for the next installment,I'm intrigued.<br />Elspeth: You pulled at my heart strings, I went and hugged my kids after reading it.<br />Asuqi:Very unusual and hypnotic, with shades of philip K Dick, I love the unusual<br />Susan May James: I love how you reveal the insider is on the Case team, I keep itching my left nipple with a shudderWilliam Davollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09705387237656647744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-70777911702176164392010-11-30T14:28:13.679+00:002010-11-30T14:28:13.679+00:00Asuqi - that was trippy fun. For some reason, it r...Asuqi - that was trippy fun. For some reason, it reminds me a bit of the movie "Brazil" or the crazy waiting room in "Beetlejuice". I agree with Lily that this shows you've got the knack for "bizarro"<br /><br />Susan - I love the word "peafowl," and I also love the image of grizzled veterans eating key-lime pie and going through atrocious photographs, let alone the "fidgety" tip-off. Nicely done.Chris Alliniottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04094925215735680849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-6387550500121995422010-11-29T21:39:53.020+00:002010-11-29T21:39:53.020+00:00Catching up, I think!
Asuqi: Frickin' awesome...Catching up, I think!<br /><br />Asuqi: Frickin' awesome! I'm not sure if I love the main story more, or that "in another present" ending. Love, love, love it. Sci-fi, horror, social commentary, and the element of the bizarre. *this is me wolf-whistling you right now*<br /><br />Susan: "One of us fidgets" -- that was a gasp-out-loud moment. Bravo! And what an image of the peacock feather!R.S. Bohnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09101260459422806220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-81694039091513993552010-11-29T20:37:04.291+00:002010-11-29T20:37:04.291+00:00Usuqi - Slighly weird...yes. Totally great...yes!...Usuqi - Slighly weird...yes. Totally great...yes! I have so many images going through my head after reading that. Well done!<br /><br />Susan - Loved that one. A peacok feather through a nipple.....now that's got to hurt!! :-)David Barberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006533626998905560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-47135961732963424612010-11-29T20:30:30.448+00:002010-11-29T20:30:30.448+00:00Wow! More great ideas this week!
Michael - very ...Wow! More great ideas this week!<br /><br />Michael - very haunting and tragic.<br />Anthony - very chilling indeed!<br />Chris - fantastic description.<br />Antonia - good for the bird! Great twist.<br />Sue H. - loved Scarbucks and I agree, great title!<br />AJ Humpage - what a last line! Poor wee thing.<br />Bill Owens - 2 great offerings! Hard to pick a favourite.<br />Lily Childs - great, dark, story!<br />R.S Bohn - loved it, so much told in such few words, it came to life as I read it.<br />David Barber - can't wait to see what happens next!<br />William Davoll- freaky tendrils creeped me out! Don't sit down indeed!<br />Elspeth - very sad, I felt the emotion.<br />asuki - interesting, well-written piece!<br /><br />A lot of great writers sharing on here (I hope I didn't miss anybody), can't wait to see what comes out next week!<br />;0)Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18014683585191165226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-80701285225146977682010-11-29T20:29:49.394+00:002010-11-29T20:29:49.394+00:00Great scene-setting here Susan. I'm wondering ...Great scene-setting here Susan. I'm wondering if the nipple gets pierced before or after the murder - that's gotta make a mess! <br /><br />I like the twist at the end; that much darker for being a cop <em>and</em> a woman.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-60155035910623026652010-11-29T19:54:01.962+00:002010-11-29T19:54:01.962+00:00Perp
We sit round a table drinking stale coffee a...Perp<br /><br />We sit round a table drinking stale coffee and sharing key-lime pie while our chief-inspector gives us the skinny on our fourth case.<br /><br />The torso of a young man was found near the river. We look at a photo and recognise the killer’s signature; a long straight peacock feather pierced through the victim’s left nipple. There were three others before him, each more mutilated than the last.<br /><br />One of us fidgets and tries to hide a smirk as she thinks of Precious at home in her backyard. She hopes she’s left him enough water; Peafowl get thirsty in this heat.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18014683585191165226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-4654295470077113942010-11-29T19:00:10.758+00:002010-11-29T19:00:10.758+00:00Wow, Lily! I´m blown away! That means a lot to me,...Wow, Lily! I´m blown away! That means a lot to me, thanks =)asuqihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05478950013985706858noreply@blogger.com