tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post1596103312970867427..comments2023-12-31T16:30:56.708+00:00Comments on Lily Childs' Feardom: Lily's Friday PredictionLily Childshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-2588440889914770712010-12-17T04:53:13.446+00:002010-12-17T04:53:13.446+00:00Scratchypen: Always love the discovery of a dead b...Scratchypen: Always love the discovery of a dead body. And the homicidal mystery in this one is a great topper…however, some Christmas parties are worth missing : )<br /><br />David: Strength and might to your father and family. A great tribute here, and that ending is fabulous.<br /><br />Lily: “the dark man, misunderstood”—love that, and the fact that there is some rivalry there, between the women. The rich psychological and mythological elements present complete the greater mystery here, absolutely!<br /><br />Susan: A nightmare that begs justice- This line, “<em>I sustained myself with hope and thoughts of my previous life</em>,” seems like a truth that holds experience behind it, for its value in many situations. <br /><br />William: <em>First Harvest</em> is a wicked delight, perfectly written in detail, and a revenge worth harvesting!<br /><br />Pixie: What a kiss, chained in a nightmare—the delirium in this piece sets the tone and mood perfectly.<br /><br />Well done, everyone.EChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09359075647077590741noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-26181562553797892272010-12-16T22:01:46.204+00:002010-12-16T22:01:46.204+00:00But it's never too late to comment! And I must...But it's never too late to comment! And I must:<br /><br />William -- My god! That is beautiful. Of course, in a horrifying, psychotic way. I LOVE IT on so many levels.<br /><br />Pixie -- Don't know how you did it, but I felt as if I was there with her. Descriptive abilities: check. You haz them like mad.<br /><br />Good luck, Lily!R.S. Bohnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09101260459422806220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-53448771207789802912010-12-16T21:45:57.705+00:002010-12-16T21:45:57.705+00:00I like sneaking in under the cloak of darkness Lil...I like sneaking in under the cloak of darkness Lily...that's what it is.<br /><br />I'm glad you all like <i> With Kisses </i> as I personally didn't think it was very strong. Shows how much I know...Katherine Moriartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906656050961262255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-52023697872875590062010-12-16T21:29:42.482+00:002010-12-16T21:29:42.482+00:00Last week's Prediction challenge is now closed...Last week's Prediction challenge is now closed.<br /><br />Rebecca, AJ and Chris - thanks for your comments, I might well write something longer. I love the parallel between Persephone and the Cretan Snake Goddess as aspects of the Great Mother. Very important to me.<br /><br />William, <em>First Harvest</em> has a dreamy, trance-like quality. It's a beautifully evocative piece of writing which, by mention of the word <em>scythe</em> feels ancient in the telling. I like this very much.<br /><br />Pixie - three minutes to go and you just snuck in there! <em>With Kisses</em> is truly chilling. You lull us into a feeling of warmth at the outset until we rapidly realise this blind seduction is one of fear, of unwilling submission. Finally, you leave us spellbound with questions. Very clever.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-72887748154077840222010-12-16T21:19:48.575+00:002010-12-16T21:19:48.575+00:00Pixie: sensuous; I like the way that you leave thi...<strong>Pixie</strong>: sensuous; I like the way that you leave this open-ended and the specificity of the details that make it through her fogged senses. Particularly liked the image you used of the room spinning with like a loose spring.AidanFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09876041003278004627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-47205238096212529272010-12-16T21:15:45.897+00:002010-12-16T21:15:45.897+00:00Scratchypen: this captures the protagonist nicely;...<strong>Scratchypen</strong>: this captures the protagonist nicely; his unemotional response that is more relief than fear/disgust at the discovery of the body and then the dark humor of the final sentence. Welcome!<br /><br /><strong>David</strong>: Sorry, to hear about your father and best wishes to you all. I like the hope and remembrance that you mix in your piece.<br /><br /><strong>Lily</strong>: I like the way the leaves shudder and shake at the queen's passing and the human element you add by looking at the daughter.<br /><br /><strong>Susan</strong>: like the specific details and how economical you are with the words; barren painting an image of the tree and the emotions of the scene.<br /><br /><strong>William</strong>: you really hooked me with the first line. I got a surreal image of the world literally melting; and then as I read it gradually changed to lock in place of her emotions/world melting away. I liked the effect.AidanFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09876041003278004627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-11694692717656211022010-12-16T21:14:59.984+00:002010-12-16T21:14:59.984+00:00Great comments, thanks guys!
The imagery of all t...Great comments, thanks guys! <br />The imagery of all these tales is amazing. So much from which to learn and be inspired.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-62095521490008300442010-12-16T21:00:09.287+00:002010-12-16T21:00:09.287+00:00I'm bit on the late side this week to comment,...I'm bit on the late side this week to comment, but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear your news David, and your in my thoughtsWilliam Davollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09705387237656647744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-44027595641995310372010-12-16T20:57:40.636+00:002010-12-16T20:57:40.636+00:00I've wrote a story about Persephone, Chris, bu...I've wrote a story about Persephone, Chris, but it's too long for the Feardom. It'll go on my blog in the new year.<br /><br />Here's my effort. Take from it what you want.<br /><br /><b> WITH KISSES </b><br /><br />I felt something tender stroke my stomach, aroused my conscious from the dark slumber; my eyes blinked open.<br /><br />The room was spinning, curling around me like a loose spring. Shapes blurred against me, they seemed to melt together, swirling into an ominous nightmare.<br /><br /><i> There it was again, that gentle touch, a kiss. </i> My larynx tightened, my throat parched. I pulled my hands, heard a metal clank of the chains around me.<br /><br /><i> A pin prick, there, in my arm again. Or was it my neck? </i> The room seemed to melt again.<br /><br /><i> He’s smothering me...with kisses? Or is it with a pillow? </i>Katherine Moriartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906656050961262255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-83316584961899676982010-12-16T20:35:03.448+00:002010-12-16T20:35:03.448+00:00First Harvest
I’m still not sure what caused real...<b> First Harvest</b><br /><br />I’m still not sure what caused reality to melt away that day. The voices said it was some kind of breakdown, a chain reaction to everything. <br /><br />It was spring and the grass was high, that’s where I found them, knotted together, those guilty lovers. <br /><br />Time for the first cut…<br /><br />They tried to stand when they saw me, tried to explain their trousers entwined, both raised proud among the reeds. Under the judgement of the scythe they fell easily like mown grass, my husband and his man.William Davollhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09705387237656647744noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-82362901328431646942010-12-16T20:03:38.873+00:002010-12-16T20:03:38.873+00:00Thanks everyone for the great comments! I think I...Thanks everyone for the great comments! I think I'm going to do my best to wind up Diana's "arc" in the next week or two, and save the rest of her exploits for a longer tale.(Which has been started)<br /><br />Now...<br /><br />Michael - if that's what a chain letter can do, imagine what would have happened if he ignored the fantastic savings on Viagra??<br /><br />asuqi - loved this dark fairy tale. Sometimes toads were turned that way for a REASON.<br /><br />Antonia - love the contrast as cruelty gives way to fear. Top shelf ghost-work. :)<br /><br />AJ - What better to describe the sensual than through the senses - this was gorgeous, lush, and lusty!<br /><br />RS - I can taste the bitter tears. You always manage to go right to the heart of your characters' hurt. It's very powerful.<br /><br />scratchypen - Welcome! I read this as a noir-styled vampire tale - and really enjoyed it!<br /><br />David - This was a perfect piece for your Dad. Your heart's on your sleeve. Thank you for sharing it.<br /><br />Lily - I'll echo above - Persephone is a WONDERFUL character to be exploring, and, as I've gotten to know your style, I couldn't imagine a better fit. You. Must. Write. A. Longer. Story. About. Persephone.<br /><br />Susan - intense take from the helpless victim's perspective. It's totally chilling in that you've made it clear there's nothing coming by way of help. Awful to contemplate, but very captivating.Chris Alliniottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04094925215735680849noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-91885072456806012402010-12-16T19:18:06.152+00:002010-12-16T19:18:06.152+00:00Lily: sorry to be so random about commenting and a...Lily: sorry to be so random about commenting and answering comments this week! RL is eating me. In answer to your comment: yes, absolutely OK, love getting feedback. Thanks!<br /><br />David: I´m so sorry! You are in my thoughts. I hope your father is OK and getting better! Your contribution this week breaks my heart.asuqihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05478950013985706858noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-27472742308822994332010-12-16T17:01:19.159+00:002010-12-16T17:01:19.159+00:00Oh for heaven's sake. Is it really worth me en...Oh for heaven's sake. Is it really worth me entering this week? I cannot compete with this.<br /><br />Well, that last sentence is a lie. I'll try, but I cannot promise anything. At least most (Not all) of my college burdens are slowly OFF my shoulders, thank God.<br /><br />Should have a story soon, if my brain would like to spit one out for me.Katherine Moriartyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16906656050961262255noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-77672966555094992432010-12-16T16:34:22.277+00:002010-12-16T16:34:22.277+00:00Chris – Ooo this is better than any soap on the TV...Chris – Ooo this is better than any soap on the TV!<br /><br />Aiden - Lots of deft, descriptive touches. ‘Salt rivers’ and ‘open receptacles’ and ‘horror filled visages’ all bring colour to the heart of the horror, some great imagery here.<br /><br />Mimi - there is an underlying cold which hides behind this character’s fate. This detachment, almost acceptance, makes it a chilling piece.<br /><br />Michael - I liked the slight casual nature of the narrative, almost a slow motion capture of one man's ignorance and realisation.<br /><br />asuqi – Blimey! This piece turns the fairy tale on its head! But this is why it's a wicked tale. The metaphoric use of the tongue and the snaking gives it plenty of vision and symbolism.<br /><br />Antonia – ‘Mournful as a fog horn’ is simple and effective, all leading to a deliberate, effective pause at the end. ‘No escape’...from what?<br /><br />RS – ‘Spreading herself casually’. Lovely description. This whole piece screams simile and metaphor, and I especially like the line ‘warm firmness of her open lips’.<br /><br />Scratchypen - Love this piece. There are some great descriptions. ‘The chain...pulled through his decomposing flesh’. I like the cold satisfaction of the narrator. Great stuff.<br /><br />David – Wow, this is very moving and honest.<br /><br />Lily - a beautiful piece, full with lush descriptions and underscored with love and sadness. I love the Greek myths, having studied classics, and I do like the ‘dark man, misunderstood’. He certainly is. I like the way you’ve woven myth and fiction.<br /><br />Susan – Dark, stark and disturbing, especially when we are told ‘he was done with me by early spring’. That makes me shudder just thinking about it.AllWriteFictionAdvicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03381125356850555606noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-84952856322359088202010-12-15T21:43:29.681+00:002010-12-15T21:43:29.681+00:00Hi, Scratchypen! Lucky for me the eels and fish ha...Hi, Scratchypen! <i>Lucky for me the eels and fish had picked away at his neck wounds</i> -- Hee! Good one. And lucky for us you came along to play. I like your vision.<br /><br />David, I commented on your blog, but just to let you know, I'm still thinking of you and your father. Big hugs. Please keep us updated.<br /><br />Lily -- I love mythology, and Persephone is a favorite of mine. Gorgeous, sexy little fic; I love it! "the dark man, misunderstood" -- chills. Chills!<br /><br />Susan -- I echo dorothy, such vivid imagery! Haunting and brief, and I wonder why she isn't harboring thoughts of revenge... As Lily says, perhaps the narrator was willing? Stockholm Syndrome, maybe? (is that what it's called? my mind is half-dead at the moment)R.S. Bohnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09101260459422806220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-91362346833301339032010-12-15T12:48:35.448+00:002010-12-15T12:48:35.448+00:00Susan, vivid imagery here! Loved it, all the thou...Susan, vivid imagery here! Loved it, all the thoughts of the abducted so clearly set out.<br />Lily, love the twist on the myth.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-31166099805071987032010-12-14T22:52:10.760+00:002010-12-14T22:52:10.760+00:00I'm glad we drew you in Susan. This is a stark...I'm glad we drew you in Susan. This is a stark vision, almost an abduction - yet we feel the narrator was willing at the outset. The chaining of her (?) leg to the <em>barren apple tree</em>, is scarily cold and disturbing. A chilling read.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-7270905386938568682010-12-14T22:39:01.946+00:002010-12-14T22:39:01.946+00:00Right, I just came to have a quick look. (Will hav...Right, I just came to have a quick look. (Will have to come back to comment later in the week!)<br />I didn't think I'd have time to play but when I read the three words this just sprang to mind so...<br /><br />It was the middle of winter when I went missing and he was done with me by early spring. Finding someone new, the bastard put one end of a chain around my leg, the other end around a barren apple tree, and left me for dead. I didn’t die though, I licked snow and as I felt it melt on my tongue I sustained myself with hope and thoughts of my previous life. I cannot recall how long it was before a hunter found me, delirious and half frozen.<br />Now, in hospital, I wait for my family to arrive.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18014683585191165226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-10264387699194395212010-12-14T21:46:44.644+00:002010-12-14T21:46:44.644+00:00A Greater Mystery
Snows melted at Persephone’s to...<strong>A Greater Mystery</strong><br /><br />Snows melted at Persephone’s touch. Her tears of release spilled upon virgin soil to form springs of sustenance as she broke the chains of winter.<br /><br />New leaves on trees fluttered in frantic conversation. Their shimmering voices dropped to a whisper, afraid to utter the Dread Queen’s name aloud.<br /><br />“She comes.”<br /><br />***<br /><br />In the Goddess’s wake, pale daughter Macaria smiled from porcelain skin. Collecting the dead and the broken she gathered her load, blessing lost souls and white bones. A harvest of gifts to offer her father when they returned to Hades - the dark man, misunderstood. Competition for her mother’s love.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-38204169528959487392010-12-14T14:14:54.915+00:002010-12-14T14:14:54.915+00:00David, commiserations. Yours is the second 'st...David, commiserations. Yours is the second 'stroke' news I have seen in a week, it is always sad but if the person is strong, they can fight through. <br />Loved your words. Went away to think about them, they mean a lot and I think we should remember to say that to our loved ones often. Thanks for posting them.Antonia Woodvillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12594229396805493611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-90937435060587359382010-12-14T13:47:07.127+00:002010-12-14T13:47:07.127+00:00David I am so sorry to hear about your father'...David I am so sorry to hear about your father's stroke. I'm sure we all wish him a safe recovery, and our thoughts are with you.<br /><br />Your message from a loving son to his father is beautifully written; sincere and full of hope. I had to wipe away a tear. Take care, Barber family.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-76880470197234680002010-12-14T13:42:14.959+00:002010-12-14T13:42:14.959+00:00Welcome to The Feardom scratchypen!
The Long Wai...Welcome to The Feardom scratchypen! <br /><br />The Long Wait is an intriguing write. Is the narrator a lover, a vampire...? I really enjoyed your description of the victim being held together by grace of his heavy top coat. Well done.Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-55577321836146167932010-12-14T13:38:22.585+00:002010-12-14T13:38:22.585+00:00asuqi - 'mockingly' just jarred as an adve...asuqi - 'mockingly' just jarred as an adverb for me. I think changing the dialogue slightly - <br /><br />"”You´re back then,” said the Toad" <br /><br />would indicate the Toad's attitude rather than actually telling us he was mocking the Princess.<br /><br />Is that OK? :) I loved the whole piece!Lily Childshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15861288507716873813noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-61257211221731262942010-12-14T11:40:17.880+00:002010-12-14T11:40:17.880+00:00fingers got tangled.
Captcha, not catchpa. Either...fingers got tangled.<br />Captcha, not catchpa. Either way it's a crazy word to type.Antonia Woodvillehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12594229396805493611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7536979460489400599.post-17603734967195384072010-12-14T11:01:15.902+00:002010-12-14T11:01:15.902+00:00Hi Lily. I had some bad news on Friday and had to...Hi Lily. I had some bad news on Friday and had to drive to Manchester. My dad had a major stroke. My head is where it shouldn't be at the moment but I needed to write this. I'll get round to reading the others as and when.<br /><br /><strong>For My Father</strong><br /><br />I needed to be with you. The family reassured me but I felt useless being so far away. I made the journey. Luckily the snow had begun to melt, making the drive less dangerous.<br /><br />During the drive I thought about the great times we’d had together. I remembered I still have the gold chain you bought me for my twenty-first birthday.<br /><br />Just to see you this weekend made me feel proud to be your son. I know you will be better soon, you are a fighter, and I’m looking forward to walking with you in the Spring. <br /><br />I love you.David Barberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05006533626998905560noreply@blogger.com